In breaking news out of Libya, it appears that the dictator Muammar Gadhafi (Qaddafi, Gaddafi, Kadafi, Qadhafi) has slipped into hiding. As his government crumbles, rebels have seized the seaside palace of one of Gadhafi’s sons and uncovered a world of dazzling wealth.
The rebels were shocked at the opulence of the compound. In a nation racked with poverty, the Gadhafi family lived high on the hog. One rebel snorted,
“Libyan children have no childhood, their lives are destroyed by Gaddafi. But his children, his family, have everything.”
Rebels uncovered a Lamborghini, an indoor swimming pool, a full amusement park, a zoo, and..gay porn?
Yes, that’s right. A hot, boy-on-boy DVD entitled Boyz Tracks was found on the property. I immediately dashed to my porn library to see if I owned that one. As a matter of fact, I do. There on the third shelf, fourteenth from the left, on the third page of volume F, was my very own copy of Boyz Tracks. Haven’t watched it in a while, but there it was. As I handled the disc lovingly, I recalled the moments that I had shared with this particular DVD. Boyz Tracks was an instant classic.
So what does it all mean? Can we conclude from the evidence that the good colonel is himself a cum-guzzler? If he is, I say welcome to the community. As a vicious tyrant and all-around opponent of free speech and free exercise of religion, Gadhafi will fit right in. These two gay bullies can hardly find fault with Gadhafi, if he in fact turns out to be a gay bully as well.
Let’s look at the evidence, both for and against.
Evidence that Gadhafi is a homo
1) The wardrobe. One the one hand, his fashion sense is terrible. It borders on criminality. I wouldn’t be caught dead in some of the outfits that he wears. But on the other hand, it’s certainly flamboyant. Who does he think he is–Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile? When I see the man strutting around in outfits like this, I can’t help but think of a wrinkled, old Liberace.
2) The creepy obsession with children. An amusement park and a zoo? Seriously, dude? Is that to entertain other despots like Hugo Chavez and Jim Jong-Il? Of course not. It’s for the kiddies. Just think of Michael Jackson and his Neverland theme park. And as we all know, homosexuals have a bizarre obsession with kids, which might explain why we feel compelled to get right down into the elementary schools to push our agenda, or why we need to have “gay days” at Walt Disney World or “Out in the Park” at Six Flags. It’s why we’ve set our hearts on infiltrating the Boys Scouts and why we get so pissed off that they won’t let us join. In many ways, we are emotionally and cognitively retarded, stuck in the anal stage of development. It goes a long way to explain why we exhibit about as much maturity as the average fourth grader.
3) The Amazonian guard. Gadhafi’s most trusted bodyguards are all women. Now, if I were to choose a group of people to protect me, I’d pick a group of strapping young lads–young, fit, and preferably smoking hot Latino guys. If you remember the boys from Menudo, that’s pretty much what my security detail would like. Except they’d have guns. If you look at it from that angle, this piece of evidence seems to support the theory that Gadhafi is a hetero. While it may seem odd that a gay man would choose a group of women to defend him, consider this–the women are all virgins. That means that Gadhafi himself hasn’t laid a finger on them, which strikes me as very odd. If he were using these women as his personal harem, I would say that’s about par for the course. Dictators have had harems since the beginning of time. But for a powerful man to surround himself with young women 24/7 and never partake? That’s weird. I’m thinkin’ he likes the cock.
Evidence that Gadhafi is not a homo
1) The weird Condeleezza Rice photo album. Among Gadhafi’s belongings was found an album filled with pictures of the former Secretary of State and National Security adviser. Gadhafi’s obsession with the her borders on the pathological. Last time I checked, Condoleezza Rice is a woman. So it appears that his crush is heterosexual in nature. Weird.
The depths of the dictator’s fascination were not known until recently, although clues existed. Gadhafi once commented:
“I support my darling black African woman. I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders. … Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much. I admire her, and I’m proud of her, because she’s a black woman of African origin.”
Still, the Condeleezza obsession could just be a cover. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell used to have that thing about Tom Cruise? We all know she didn’t really have the hots for Cruise. It’s just that her audience thought her crush on a man was a lot cuter than her being an angry bull dyke. It’s possible that Gadhafi is infatuated with Dr. Rice in a “gay icon” sort of way–kind of like I am with Cher and Judy Garland.
Despite the strong circumstancial evidence that Papa Gadhafi is the owner of Boyz Track, I think it’s more likely that it belongs to his son, al-Saadi. It was, after all, found at his villa. Also, a 2009 State Department cable–released as part of the Wikileaks document dump–describes al-Saadi Gadhafi as a bit of a wild child. He has had run-ins with European police, as well as drug and alcohol abuse and excessive partying. That sounds like most gay men I know.
Heck, al-Saadi might want to check to see if Bawney Fwank is available. Al-Saadi is definitely Fwank’s type. See previous post:
Of course, there’s no reason why both Gadhafi the elder and Gadhafi the son couldn’t both be queer. Perhaps they watched the movie together. It’s called a circle jerk. Don’t pretend you haven’t done it.
My feelings about a gay Muammar Gadhafi are mixed. I certainly don’t find the aging man attractive. But on the other hand, he is rich and powerful, which really turns me on. I’d be lying if I told you that I’ve never acted as some older man’s boytoy just to enjoy the benefits of his riches. I could get hip to Gadhafi if the price was right.
Until he surfaces, I guess we’ll never know.
UPDATE: A friend of al-Saadi Gadhafi is now claiming that he was thrown in jail for refusing al-Saadi’s gay advances.
“Saadi is gay. He tried to have sex with me but I refused. I only like girls. So he threw me in military jail.”
According to the UK Daily Mirror, the compound in question has “three cell-like rooms and a caged building where Saadi is said to have set dogs on people who displeased him.” Oh yeah. This guy’s a sick fuck. I’d bet he’s got all sorts of sexual issues.