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Gay marriage: Yes, it really is all about pissing you off.

Rosie O’Donnell is back in the news in recent weeks, this time explaining in an interview with USA Today that she married her girlfriend Kelli Carpenter just because she wanted to give the president the old “up yours!”

Rosie heard what Dubya said about that "traditional" marriage stuff...and she's PISSED!

Rosie explains:

“There’s something about marrying someone in a commitment with all your friends and family around you. … Kelli and I got married (in San Francisco in 2004) in some ways as an act of civil disobedience as much as anything. We didn’t have our family there, we didn’t have our children there. George Bush held a press conference in the middle of the war and says, ‘You know what the problem in this country is — those gay people in San Francisco.’ And I was so furious. I said, ‘Let’s go.'”

Yeah, there certainly is something about making a commitment to another person. Her commitment to her previous wife was so strong that it lasted three whole years!

But seriously, it wasn’t about the commitment. You can have that without the seal of approval from the state. Rosie and her new girlfriend can have whatever ceremony they want in any state, and they can commit themselves to each other until their hearts are content. That’s not what she wants. And neither do I. I want the power of the state to force other people to recognize my relationship as every bit as worthwhile as other relationships that don’t involve sodomy. And I want to force people to call Michael my “husband”. I want the heavy hand of the state to force people to do things against their will.

Getting married to piss of George W. Bush is really a pretty good reason to get married. I mean it. I’m just so surprised that a marriage based in spite toward another person didn’t last that long.

Rosie O'Donnell got hitched just to piss off this guy. And I think it really hurt his feelings. I'm sure it was part of his intelligence briefing the next day.

As it turns out, Rosie admitted more than a year ago that her marriage to Kelli was based more in hate than in love. Let’s listen to her words of wisdom:

What happened is, one state–California–Gavin Newsome, decided that it was unconstitutional to prevent gay people from getting married, and so, he started marrying people there in the state of California and the city of San Francisco. And that’s when Kelli mommy and I went and flew there and got married.

Okay, just to clear a few things up here. When Rosie says that “one state–California” decided that “it was was unconstitutional to prevent gay people from getting married”, she didn’t really mean California. California decided no such thing. She meant Gavin Newsome, who was, at the time, the mayor of San Francisco. And he decided, on his own whim, that it was unconstitutional and started issuing marriage licenses in defiance of state law. Which is really awesome. Now, if the mayor of one particular city in my state of Massachusetts decided that he was the arbiter of the state constitution, and that it was unconstitutional to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, then I would be all up in arms. And I certainly wouldn’t say that “one state–Massachusetts” decided that marriage equality was unconstitutional. I would say that one fascist, law-breaking, rogue mayor had decided as much, but who really cares what the hell he thinks because it’s not his job to determine the constitutionality of jack squat. But I digress.

Rosie continues:

George Bush, in the middle of a war, had an all-station news conference to announce how horrible it was for the safety of America that gay people were getting married in San Francisco, which pissed me off enough to get on a plane and go get married.

Yeah, and he did this IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR! During wartime, we aren’t allowed to talk about anything else except the war. Well, I tell that to people who oppose marriage equality, not those who support it. So basically, during wartime, those evil conservatives have to punt all the other issues to us. They must concentrate only on the war, which we on the other side are actively trying to lose.

Come to think of it, I kind of like this war thing. The one in Afghanistan has been going on for more than a decade, and no one knows how long it will take. Let’s stretch it out for a while. So long as there is a war going on, everybody has to shut up about the social issues. Everybody except the people on my side. And then, if we ever get out of this Afghanistan thing, I’ll say that conservatives have a lot of gall to oppose my agenda in the middle of this awful economy. The point is that I will always find a reason why we just shouldn’t talk about these things, and then I will apply those reasons only to people I don’t like.

I’m going to have to take it on faith that Dubya called an “all stations news conference” to talk about the grave security threat that marriage equality poses to the American way of life. That’s what Rosie said, and I believe her. I don’t remember that particular news conference but I’m sure it happened and he said exactly those things.

Tim Graham over at NewsBusters does not take Rosie at her word. The son-of-a-bitch fact checked her, which is really a mean trick. No fair going back and trying to find confirmation that Rosie’s version of events really happened. Her side of the story is an emotionally driven piece of propaganda, just like everything we fags say.  This is what Graham came up with:

“Okay, first of all, on February 24, 2004 , President Bush didn’t call ‘an all-station news conference.’ He made a rather routine statement (not a press conference) in the Roosevelt Room of the White House. And he didn’t say it was ‘horrible for the safety of America’ that gays would marry. He did say the people had voted to endorse the traditional definition of marriage, and some activist judges in Massachusetts and city officials in San Francisco were overturning the will of the people of California.”

You mean there wasn’t a single reference in the entire speech to the safety of America? Damn it, if this guy Graham keeps dragging in those things called “facts”, we might not be able to lie and rewrite history.

Graham actually provided a link to a news story about the speech. Bush went as far as to say:

“We should also conduct this difficult debate in a matter worthy of our country, without bitterness or anger. In all that lies ahead, let us match strong convictions with kindness and good will and decency.”

That’s hate speech! Good will and decency? Well, fuck him. I don’t want a civilized debate on this issue. I want what I want, and I want it NOW! Not only do I reject the idea of civilized debate, I reject the idea of ANY debate. This is not a topic that we will discuss and work out our differences. My policy preference will become law and if you stand in my way, I will hunt you down and punish you. I do not want dialogue, and I do not want dissenting opinions. Those things are downright un-American.

And really, I don’t care if the people of California voted twice to define marriage as between a man and a woman. That’s why I run to a homosexual judge every time I lose in a fair election and ask him to impose our personal agenda and overturn the will of the majority. You’ve got millions of Californians on your side? Tough shit! I’ve got a cock-sucking judge and he wins every time. No bias there. Just because he’s a homosexual doesn’t mean that his rulings are a foregone conclusion.

Besides, the mayor of the fourth largest city in California decided that the people of the entire state were wrong. And then he unilaterally decided to usurp authority that was not his. But Newsome was the mayor of San Francisco, and it’s his job to determine the constitutionality of the state’s marriage laws. And if he finds that they’re not up to muster, he can just defy them.

Gavin Newsome, Lt. Governor of California and former mayor of San Francisco.

Gavin Newsome is a hero! He doesn’t believe in any of that “sanctity of marriage” crap! We know that because he got caught stepping out on his wife. Yeah, he’s an adulterer. I tend to get pissy whenever anyone who opposes marriage equality gets caught cheating, but that’s because they’re HYPOCRITES. Go ahead and be a two-timing dirtbag if you want to, just as long as you don’t talk about marriage being “sacred” or anything like that. Don’t pretend to have any morals and we won’t blame you at all for moral failures.

Back to Rosie. So she got herself all in a huff back in 2004 over some imaginary remarks made at an imaginary news conference and then she ran off to San Francisco and got one of those illegitimate marriage licenses that the rogue mayor was handing out. Funny thing is, the marriage didn’t last and now they’re splitsville. I was shocked. It’s amazing the brash things that people will do when they react to things that exist only in their fevered imaginations.

As I listen to Rosie, I’m reminded of Julie and Hillary Goodridge, the two lesbians who sued the Commonwealth of Massachusetts for marriage rights and won. (They were represented by Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders–GLAD–an organization that was born in the man-boy love movement. For more on that, see previous post: https://twogaybullies.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/kiddie-porn-ring-busted-glad-theyll-have-good-lawyers/ ) When arguing their case, the Goodridges pointed out that they had been together for more than twenty years, they had a child together, and they were in love!

Julie and Hillary Goodridge. They're IN LOVE! Well, they were until they achieved their goal of redefining marriage and then they fell out of love. Just like straight people do, m'kay?

And who are you to stop these two from loving each other? Okay, so no one was stopping anyone from loving anyone else. We just made that part up because of the emotional appeal that it has.

The Goodridges were married in 2004, seperated in 2006, and divorced in 2009. So their marriage lasted a little bit longer than Rosie’s. Now, don’t go getting all judgmental. Gay people will divorce just like straight people. Interestingly, we used the high rate of divorce among straight couples as an argument for why marriage isn’t really sacred and why we homos can do better. And now that I think of it, it does seem that they made such a big deal out of the fact that they had been together for twenty years and that they had a daughter together was because they wanted to demonstrate their stability, that they’re the model family. Huh. And then two years later they can’t stand each other and they want a divorce. Weird.

It’s almost as if playing house wasn’t fun any more, not after they’d succeeded in forcing their agenda on everyone else and pissing off the religious right. Ha! Ha! We won! And now, I don’t really want to be married to you until death do us part. I didn’t mean that shit. 

Gays get divorces just like straights, okay? But then again, straight people didn’t spend their whole lives crying about how they aren’t allowed to get married, how they’re just soooooooooo in love and they can’t live one second longer if the state doesn’t recognize that love, how they’re wonderful parents and they have such a stable and loving home. Nope, that was Hillary and Julie. As it turns out, twenty years together as cohabiting mommies was easy, but give them a marriage license and they’ll be divorced in less than the national average.

Marrying your partner just to piss off religious people is always a good way to make a good foundation for a family. I recommend it highly!

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Kiddie porn ring busted. GLAD they’ll have good lawyers.

Attorney General Eric Holder announced earlier this week the conclusion of Operation Delgado–the take-down of a  multinational, internet-based kiddie porn ring operating from servers in the US. The website, entitled “Dreamboard” was a virtual nightmare of abusive sexual exploitation. It had around six hundred members, all men, from various countries across the globe, including the US, Canada, Kenya, France, and Ecuador.

"We got 'em!" Holder fist-pumps the sting operation that brought down an international child pornography ring. Just kidding. This is a picture from his black power days. Well, that would imply that his black power days are located somewhere in the past, which clearly they aren't. He still hates whitey. Okay, so this is a picture from his ridiculous necklace days.

Kind of wish I’d known about Dreamboard before they took it down. Oops…did I say that out loud?

Attorney General Holder laid out of some of the more sordid details:

“In order to become part of the Dreamboard community, prospective members were required to upload pornography portraying children under 12 years of age or younger.”

“Under 12 years of age or younger”. Well said, Eric. I’m guessing you got into Columbia on the affirmative action program. Just a guess.

Apparently, there was some really sick shit on there.

“Some of the children featured in these images and videos were just infants and in many cases, the children being victimized were in obvious and also intentional pain, even in distress and crying, just as the rules for one area of the bulletin board mandated. They had to be in distress and crying.”

As I watched the story unfold on CNN, I found myself asking–is GLAD going to come to the men’s defense or what? Seriously, they’re going to need a good legal team with experience getting pedophiles off the hook.

When I speak of GLAD, I’m referring of course to Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, the Boston-based legal group that was formed for in 1978 for the specific purpose of defending adult men who had sex parties with teenage boys. (Not to be confused with GLAAD–Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). The organization really should have called themselves PAD (Pedophile Advocates & Defenders), but that didn’t have quite the same ring to it. It was better for PR purposes to portray themselves as an organization dedicated to defending gay men. Which, I suppose they were. Gay men who organized drug-fueled sex parties with kids from the local junior high.

Equal Justice Under Law...except for victims of pedophiles.

It was the seventies…what can I say? Things were really taking off for the LGBTQXYZ community. It was nearly ten years after Stonewall and we were starting to see cracks in America’s anti-gay exterior. There were enclaves here and there–San Fransicko, Manhattan, Boston–where it was almost acceptable to be out and proud. Harvey Milk had just been elected America’s first openly gay politician and AIDS was yet to put a damper on our hyperactive sex lives.

Sexual emancipation was the buzz word of the day. Sure, pedophilia seemed like traversing some kind of boundary. But that’s what we were about! Traversing the sexual boundaries that had choked us for centuries. If there was anything we stood for, it was the destruction of sexual mores that mandated sex occur only between husband and wife, and then only in the missionary position, and only for the purposes of procreation. Adults having sex with children was a new frontier, but then again so was men having sex with men, and women having sex with women.  They called boy lovers “perverts”, but  they called us queerboys “perverts” too. Who were we to judge?

And then disaster struck. In June of 1977, police raided a home in Revere, Massachusetts, arresting its owner and eventually twenty-four other men. It appears that the house on Mountain Avenue was the hub of some kind of pornographic sex ring where adult men threw beer bashes for underage boys. The objective was, of course, to get the teenage boys drunk and high, then to sodomize them.

How come nobody told me about these parties? You guys are really letting me down.

The twenty-four men indicted were charged with raping boys ranging in age from eight to thirteen, which was such an exaggeration because it later turned out that they could only prove that the men were having sex with boy hustlers who were at least fifteen years old. Okay, and one of them was nine. And most of them liked it. So it’s all cool.

The men took a plea bargain deal and got off with fines and probation. Great work on the part of their lawyers.

Boston Magazine has a great story on the Revere sex ring, the Boston area pedophile/gay rights scene, and the two major organizations that arose from the flap–GLAD and the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). Read all about it:

http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/boy_crazy/

Enter the villain of this affair. No, not the ring of pervy sexual predetors with the sex dungeon in Revere. I’m talking about the District Attorney of Suffolk County, Garrett Byrne. DA Byrne surmised that there might be other such pedophilia houses in the county, which isn’t such a wild assumption considering the fact that the Boston public library and Revere Beach were pretty much the hottest spots for anonymous liaisons between men and sometimes boys.  Believe me, no one was checking ID’s. I certainly wasn’t, and I was there.

Mr. Byrne’s witchhunt began with a simple hotline. Anonymous tipsters could call in and report on anyone they thought was sexually abusing children. THE HORROR! Anonymous sex? Yes. Anonymous tip lines that notify law enforcement about possible sexual predators? That’s downright un-American!

I mean, someone could just dime out a person they didn’t like. Kind of the same way they could dime out a person they didn’t like for any crime just by calling the police station. People should not be able to report a crime because they might make a false report. So we musn’t allow reporting. Did you hear me? NO REPORTING!

Clearly, the hotline was unconstitutional. Because we didn’t like it. Anything we don’t like is unconstitutional.

The DA had declared war on Boston’s pedophile community and we homos would be his first casualties. I can’t understand why a gay man would be concerned about a pedophile hotline unless he was in fact a pedophile himself, but…we all know that “pedophile” is a code word. So law enforcement must never make any attempt to smoke the pervs out, because they’re really after adult men who have consensual sex with other adult men. As well as gay men who lure high school freshmen to their homes with pot and beer and then rape them up the ass.

Even though there’s no overlapping between the gay community and the pedophile community, we get a little nervous whenever anyone suggests that something should be done about child molesters. So, just to be safe, let’s not do anything about child molesters unless they happen to be Catholic priests.

The local gay community mounted an intense campaign to shut down the pedophile hotline, by judicial order if necessary. The courts always give us what we want and that’s why we love them. The effort was spearheaded by John Ward, Boston’s first openly gay male attorney and the founder of GLAD. He took the DA to court and the Byrne backed down, agreeing to “voluntarily” terminate the perv hotline.

Gay hero John Ward. He fought valiantly to shut down a hotline where people could tip off law enforcement to the existence of child rapists. Not that gay men do that sort of thing. Child rapists owe him a debt of gratitude. Though it's imposible to put a number on just how many child rapists were spared the shame of getting caught and going to jail, it's certainly a large number. Thanks, John.

That was 1978. Needless to say, most of Boston’s elected officials didn’t want to touch GLAD with a ten foot pole. Since then, the organization has gone completely mainstream. Every politician in the state kisses GLAD’s (diseased) asses. In 2003, they brought the case of two Northampton lesbians to the Massachusetts SJC. Maybe you’ve heard of it–it was called Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, and it brought marriage equality to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Yesterday’s pro-pedophile crusaders are today’s advocates for marriage equality! Who knows what lies ahead for GLAD? Heaven knows we’re never satisfied.

GLAD offers its annual “Spirit of Justice Award” to warriors who toil in the name of total equality for the LGBTQXYZ community. In 2008, that award was presented to…John Ward! It’s kind of cool that you get a lot of awards from an organization when you’re its founder. Anyway, the ceremony really brought a tear to my eye. Mr. Ward was given an introduction befitting his status as a civil rights hero:

The man giving John Ward’s introduction is GLAD legal director Gary Buseck. And as much as I respect Mr. Buseck, I have to correct a few mistakes he made in his introduction. All honest mistakes, I’m sure. Not some kind of attempt to justify a pedophilia ring involving gay men and underage boys.

“…and lo and behold in December of 1977, the DA broke the news of a ‘sex ring’ in nearby Revere, Massachusetts, indicting twenty-four people  on over a hundred felony counts involving older men allegedly having sex with younger men.” 

Well, no. They were accused of having sex with boys. Boys as young as eight. I guess if you consider an eight year old boy a “younger man”, then yes. That was the charge.

The DA called it ‘the tip of the iceberg’ and he set up a hotline asking the public for anonymous tips on homosexuals.

Okay, so that didn’t happen either. Garret Byrne set up a hotline asking for anonymous tips on pedophiles, not homosexuals. But I guess we all need our comforting fictions, our founding legends. So, even if the official GLAD version of what happened is bullshit, that’s fine by me. It’s just one of the many lies that we sodomites tell to advance our agenda. Kind of like Mathew Shepard, the gay gene, AIDS not “discriminating”, one in ten people being gay, and every thing else you hear coming out of our cocksucking mouths.

So let’s hope John Ward comes to the rescue for this generation’s Revere sex ring. The poor guys at Dreamboard need help and who better than GLAD to defend them?

I LOVErmont: The Green Mountain State keeps up the heat on religious bigots

Bigots will find no shelter in the state of Vermont. Nor Roman Catholics, although that’s sort of synonymous with bigots.

The first state in the union to legalize civil unions–due to the legislation of then Governor Dean’s faith–and the first state to pass marriage equality without the judiciary’s gun to its head, Vermont will also become the first state to force Christians against their will to rent out their private property for gay weddings. Vermont is super-progressive and that’s why we like it so much.

The Vermont chapter of the ACLU is now suing a rural Vermont inn on behalf of a lesbian couple that wished to hold its wedding reception there. The lesbian couple nearly committed suicide after finding out that these private citizens did not want to allow their their private property to be used in a celebration of their homosexual relationship.

And you wouldn’t want them to commit suicide…would you?

Of course, the bigots played the religion card, as if religion is offered some kind of special protection in the Constitution or something. John and Mary O’Reilly, owners of the Wildflower Inn in Lyndonville, Vermont explained:

 “We do not, however, feel that we can offer our personal services wholeheartedly to celebrate the marriage between same-sex couples because it goes against everything that we as Catholics believe in.”

When are these people going to learn that free exercise of religion does not mean that you can break the law when it violates your conscience? For example, the government can draft Quakers into the armed forces. Also, Jehovah’s Witnesses are forced to stand and say the pledge of allegiance in schools. It’s permissible to force Orthodox Jews to open their businesses on the (Jewish) Sabbath. Wait…we don’t do any of those things? Well, we should be able to.

When the Constitution says that Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of religion, it didn’t mean religions that piss me off. It meant warm, mushy, cotton candy religions that tell homosexuals that God made them just the way they are and God don’t make no mistakes. You know, fake religions.

The Wildflower Inn in Lyndonville, Vermont. Nice place. Hate to see anything bad happen to it.

The idea that these two innkeepers can just decide to pick and choose which customers they take on–as if it were their business!–really makes my blood boil. The entire purpose of marriage equality laws is to force people like the O’Reilly’s to do things against their will. That’s why we need the state to recognize our relationships. Without state sanction, we can’t call on the power of the state to force other people to recognize our relationships and, when we feel like it, to take part in our ceremonies.

You’ll never find us making the libertarian argument that government should have no role in marriage because that would mean that the government can’t shove our morals down other people’s throats. Absolutely we want the government involved in marriage. We want the heavy hand of the state involved at all levels, and we want it to bully people on our behalf. We want our morals enshrined in law.

And let’s be clear–we do want to shove our morals down other people’s throats. John and Mary O’Reilly think that gay marriage is morally wrong. I think their exclusionary policy is morally wrong. John and Mary O’Reilly may not force their morality upon me through the force of law, though I may still force my morality on them.

That’s why it’s okay for former Governor Howard Dean to tell the voters of Iowa that it was his faith that motivated him to sign civil unions into law. But it would not be acceptable for an actual Christian governor–as opposed to Dean, who’s only a Christian when he’s running for president–to veto such a law because of his faith.

See how this works? We legislate our morality, and you just keep yours to your fucking self. I don’t want to see your morality, hear your morality, or even know that it exists. If you don’t like gay marriage then don’t get gay married! And just as long as you participate in my wedding against your will, everything will be fine. I won’t have to call the authorities, who are pretty entirely in the tank for me.

Nice message. It’s important to perpetuate the myth that other people are meddling in our lives, preventing us from loving each other, and getting in our business.

Now, I’m not advising any of my readers to go blabbing about all of this all around town. Yes, the whole purpose of gay marriage is to force people to recognize our relationships who don’t want to. But as always, stealth and deception are necessary. It’s important to keep up the illusion that people are meddling in our lives, telling us whom to love and whom we may sleep with. The emotional weight of that argument is enormous.

It’s bullshit, of course. But that shouldn’t stop us from making the emotional appeal that we really, really love each other. So who are you to stand in the way of our love? Who are you to police my sex life? I loved my husband even before we were married and I slept with him as well. Even if every gay marriage in the whole country was nullified by some federal marriage amendment, I’d still love him and still have sex with him. So it really has nothing to do with love or with bedroom behavior. It has to do with forcing people to do things our way.

When we portray opponents of marriage equality as moral busybodies, we win. They’re running around telling everyone how to live their lives! Which is totally different than what the State of Vermont is doing to the O’Reilly’s, of course. But they’re just Christofascist losers, and they have no rights.
 
This whole ordeal in Vermont really reminds me of what happened to me and Michael when we were first married here on the Cape in 2004. We were one of the first gay couples in the state–in the nation!–to be married legally. We contacted a woman photographer to do our photos, and she told us that she was a Christofascist and that she wasn’t planning on doing any gay weddings because of her “faith”. She referred us to other photographers.
 
Now, there are dozens of good wedding photographers on the Cape, but it didn’t seem right that this woman could just pick and choose her clients. So we told her that she’d better get her ass to the wedding or we’d sue the shit out of her. You see, I wanted to force her to do something against her will. I wanted to make her an unwilling participant in our ceremony, forcing her to look at us through that camera lens of hers, shoving cake in each other’s mouths, kissing at the altar, etc. I know that there were other photographers who would have been glad to have had our business, but I really wanted to knuckle this bitch under. I wanted to make her choose between her Christian faith and her livelihood. I certainly didn’t want a photographer who wanted to be there.
 
In the end, she did the pictures. So much for her “faith” in some wacky “God”. Apparently, paying her bills was more important. 
 
Now, some of you may believe in “live and let live”. I don’t. I believe in live and destroy other people’s livelihoods. If other people have beliefs that conflict with mine, I like to force them to abandon their beliefs or become unemployed. (See previous post of Dr. Frank Turek)
 
I heard that ours was her last wedding ever. It’s too bad because she had had a thriving business before gay marriage became the law in Massachusetts. Last time I saw her, she was a sandwich artist at Subway in Hyannisport. Hope that bitch likes making minimum wage! I bet she’ll remember next time that “this doesn’t affect you”.   
 
 Update: The Wildflower Inn is no longer doing weddings and special events, according to its website. I consider this a partial victory. Can the State of Vermont force them to continue doing so? That would be sweet.

It takes courage to stand up for marriage equality. Bribes help too.

Three cheers for New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. He’s putting his checkbook where his mouth is, donating the maximum amount allowed under law ($10,300) to four Republican senators who voted “yes” on marriage equality.  Forbes.com lists Michael Bloomberg as the twenty-third richest billionaire in the world with a net worth of $18 billion. He’s only a few places behind the Waltons of the Wal-Mart fortune. Bloomberg could probably scrounge up ten grand from the couch cushions in his mansion.

Without these four senators, the bill would not have passed. The vote turned out 33-29, in favor of marriage equality. If those four senators had been on the other side, the vote would have been 29-33, in favor of discrimination against homosexuals. So it’s nice to know that Michael Bloomberg’s bribes secured our victory.  Just call him Mr. Moneybags.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/07/14/2011-07-14_mike_rewards_4_gop_gaynups_backers.html?r=news/politics

Wait, did I say bribes? Well, let’s not make bribery sound like a bad thing in all situations. While the line between a bribe and a campaign donation is usually a thin one, there is usually a general rule of thumb that can be applied to tell the difference. A bribe is given quid pro quo. You vote the way I want on this bill and I’ll write you a check. You defy me and there will be no money for you. That’s the difference between a campaign donation and a bribe.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg makes the case for marriage equality. And when you can’t persuade with arguments, it helps to just buy people off. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Money has a very persuasive effect. Bloomberg is a good Jew. We like this Jew.

Mayor Bloomberg had to resort to bribery to acheive his ends. So what? Bribery for a good cause is no vice. When you understand that marriage inequality is akin to Jim Crow–again, just to make the ridiculous comparison between myself and black people one more time–bribery doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. What if a really rich New York liberal had written checks to Southern Democrats, in order to get them to switch sides? See, so bribery is okay when you occupy the position of absolute righteousness that we do. In fact, anything goes.

 
“The mayor said he would support Senate Republicans who stood up – and he did,” said top Bloomberg aide Micah Lasher. Bloomberg supported them with a cash donation in exchange for their votes. It was understood by all parties involved that the campaign donations came with one condition. And they all jumped on the deal like the political whores that they are. Good for them!
 

Rabbi Leiter of Jews for Decency walks and talks with Republican Senator James Alesi, one of the Republicans who flip-flopped on the issue after he smelled a campaign donation. Good thing he listened to the Jew with the big checkbook rather than the Jew with the beard and the silly hat. Money talks, bitches!

Senator James Alesi, for example, was against the bill right up until June 13th, fewer than ten days before the vote. He was invited to Manhattan, wooed from every angle, and eventually recanted his previous opposition to marriage equality, offering his apologies for ever being against it. So bribery is pretty effective. Man, it took a lot of courage for Senator Alesi to vote for marriage equality. When I think of people who abandon their values and dance for Mayor Bloomberg’s cash, I think ‘Wow that took balls’. There’s nothing more courageous than selling out for cash.   
 
Money has always been the homosexual lobby’s secret weapon. Not only are gays superrich, so are our straight friends–ie. Michael Bloomberg. We love to brag about the taxes we pay and how we’re owed something because of it. We all know that that’s secret code for, “We got money, we got power”. It’s easier to just buy off politicians than it is to win hearts and minds.
 
We always manage to raise more money for our side, yet lose the vote. At least when the vote is put to the people, which is something we should never do. We must never vote on civil rights. Wait a second, didn’t we vote on civil right in New York last month and weren’t we thrilled? Okay, let me rephrase that. We must never vote on civil rights–not unless we can guarantee the result with a large infusion of cash.
 
The cash gap always favors us. In California, we raised $44.1 million to oppose Prop H8. The H8ers raised $38.7 million. (We later complained that many of their donors were from–gasp!–out of state, but of course our out of state money exceeded theirs). In Maine, our side raised $5.7 million and their side $3.4 million.
 
If only we could have written ten thousand dollar checks to each and every voter in California and Maine. It’s much easier to just bribe four senators. Bribery works wonders in a legislature. It’s much less effective when applied to a ballot question. So let’s make sure that marriage equality never ends up on the ballot, anywhere.
 
Thank goodness for wealthy fags and their big checkbooks.    

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