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Posts tagged ‘Jews’

Known H8 group rolls out H8-ful video aimed at the H8er community

As progressive as we Bay Staters are, some vestiges of the “pro-family” movement do exist here in Massachusetts. Exhibit “A” is the group MassResistance. They’re hateful because they keep following us around and showing people what we’re really up to. They should stop doing that.

The Southern Poverty Law Center lists MassResistance as a hate group. That means that they’re bad. The logic goes something like this–the SPLC has spent years battling the KKK and similar white supremacist groups. These days they’ve fixed their sites on MassResistance. That means that MassResistance is the equivalent of the KKK. See how that argumentation works?

I can’t believe that a known hate group like MassResistance is allowed to exist in my state. Once the SPLC declares it a hate group, we should be able to outlaw their existence. Right?

It just makes me so upset. Maybe if I threatened to kill myself, the government would take some action against them. I’ve noticed that every time gay people don’t get their way, they threaten to blow their brains out. It’s been shown to be highly effective.  Other people’s free speech rights are trumped by our emotional outbursts of self-loathing. I’m very delicate, and I might commit suicide at any moment. It’s easier to police the thoughts of everyone else than for me to just get some damned counseling. After all, if I got counseling, that might suggest that I’m batshit crazy, which I’m not. I’m just an emotional basketcase with same-sex attraction disorder. Many years ago, they used to call people like me “sick”–but those were the dark ages. Now we’re totally normal. The sick people are on the other side.

MassResistance has teamed up with another hate group, the Family Research Council, to make a short film on the “gay agenda”. Ha! Ha! As if we have some kind of agenda. Our only agenda is equality. And we have to brainwash your kids in order to do that.

I wouldn’t want to promote their film, but I’ll post here. I’d like to address some of the points that they make in the film.

The film features known hompophobe Brian Camenker, head of MassResistance. In case you were wondering, he’s one of those Jews we hate so much. Not that I have a problem with Jews, just as long as they don’t practice Judaism, which Camenker does. It’s okay to be Jewish, just so long as you submit a written proposal to me concerning your religious beliefs. I’ll decide what you may believe and what you may not. If I find your beliefs to be hateful, that means that I can hate your religion and it’s not really a form of bigotry.

Camenker starts in with the “Little Black Book” controversy, which is like, so old. In case you didn’t know, The Little Black Book was a homosexual safe sex publication paid for with taxpayer dollars. I keep a stack of them in my office at the high school here. Its full title is “Little Black Book V 2.0 Queer in the 21st Century”.

As you can see, it’s rather mild. It’s just telling gay teenagers to hang in there and not to hate themselves.


Well, not really. It does offers advice on: “Fuckin'”, “Suckin'”, “Rimming? (Lickin’ Butt)”, “Water Sports (piss play)” as well as “Fisting”. I get upset whenever anyone suggests that gay men like to lick each others’ assholes. That’s so untrue. But just in case that’s your thing, here’s a little advice on how to do it, and how to do it safely. See? We’re not perverts, we just want to make sure no one gets hurt while eating another guy’s butthole. Any one who thinks that the best way to avoid the risks of butt-hole licking is to avoid the practice entirely is just out of touch and in denial about the realities of human sexuality.

I have to take issue with the section on fisting, however.

“What makes fisting risky when it comes to diseases is that the blood vessels in the rectum are close to the surface which means damage can occur easily and go unnoticed. Avoid too much alcohol or drugs when you fist or get fisted…Trauma can increase the risk of HIV when you get fucked, so you might want to do your fucking before fisting. Use lots of lubes, condoms, and latex gloves.”

The reason I object to it is because it points out that shoving objects up your ass tends to break blood vessels. It almost makes it sound as if sodomy is dangerous and unhealthy. I don’t want to hear stuff like that because I rather enjoy having objects shoved in my rectum. It’s not an essential body part needed for removing waste, it’s my personal play toy. I stick all sorts of things up there and I don’t want to hear about “trauma”.  Then again, that goes a long way in explaining why I have bruising and bleeding around my asshole.

I also object to another part of the pamphlet that says that it’s “a great time” to be gay.

Excuse me? Somebody better tell the writer of this pamphlet to get back on script. We’re enjoying “more visibility and acceptance”? I don’t think so. I mean, we’re actually overrepresented on TV and no one is allowed to say a disparaging word about us, but so what? We’re still an oppressed minority. It’s never “a great time to be gay” because society shuns us. We are hated for our love! There are still a few people left in society who don’t trip over themselves to tell us how great it is that we sleep with people of the same sex. And that means that millions of gay kids are at risk. Some of them might kill themselves. So STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT IT’S A GREAT TIME TO BE GAY, otherwise people might stop feeling sorry for us. And then how would be get special treatment?

Okay, but other than those two minor peccadilloes, I think the pamphlet is great. And yes, we were handing it out to high school students. Heck, it was targeted to high school students. Why do you think we mentioned that Boston has “lots of services for queer youths”?

But here’s the thing…no one was supposed to find out that we were handing these out to their children! But MassResistance had to go poking its nose in our business. They found out we were bringing our homosexual promotional tour to Brookline High School and they crashed the event, undercover. They like to do that. They don’t reveal themselves as the homophobes that they are because then we might not reveal ourselves as the perverts that we are.

So we lied about it. In the video, Camenker explains GLSEN’s reaction to the Little Black Book.

“Immediately, they [GLSEN] put out a press release saying that we [MassResistance] had planted the book there. Then in about a day later, they said ‘No, we [MassResistance] didn’t really plant the book. It really was there, but there were only a few copies there.’ And then they finally admitted, ‘yeah there were a bunch of copies there’. But they were going to try to make sure that they were not there again. We’ve since seen this at other events.”

Ugh! Well, yeah…I mean, when we got caught, we tried to explain it away. Our final rationale was that the books were there by accident! That’s the memo that I got. Yes, those books were never intended for youths, despite the fact that it’s written right in it that Boston has great services for “queer youth”. When we said “queer youth”, we meant queer adults. And somehow these books, which were meant for adults, ended up in the hands of GLSEN, a youth-oriented homosexual organization. And then, if that were happenstance enough, the aforementioned organization accidentally distributed taxpayer funded, adult-themed materials at a youth event! It could have happened to anybody.

Brian Camenker, homophobe and head of MassResistance. His organization has a habit of following us around and exposing to the world the things that we do. And because we're embarassed by our activities, we don't want him to do that.

Camenker goes on to explain about his fight in the Massachusetts legislature concerning schools:

“And it’s always a battle. The homosexual activists do not want parents knowing what goes on. They do not want parents opting out their kids. They’ve testified on several occasions that parents being able to opt out their kids, they consider dangerous and intolerant.”   

And it is! Parents have no right to decide how their children are educated. They don’t even have a right to know what’s being taught, much less to object to the lessons and have their children removed. Because if they had that right, we might not be able to indoctrinate their children.

We will decide what everyone else’s children learn. And trust me, it won’t be reading, writing, history, civics, or science. Heaven knows that the public schools fail miserably to teach any of those subjects, as test results have confirmed. Nope, we’re in there to teach kids about “lickin’ butt” and where to find all the best gay bars in Beantown. For some reason, we do a great job of educating kids on that subject. Kids graduating from high school today may not be able to read their diplomas, but at least they know how to put on a condom!

Brian Camenker just doesn’t get it. I bet he’s secretly gay. Everyone knows that homophobes are themselves repressed homosexuals. Only a black-hearted, evil, hateful man could object to the materials we distribute. I mean seriously, what’s wrong with a little instruction on piss play? Why shouldn’t students be taught how to avoid “getting dookie on your noodle”? Is Brian Camenker pro-dookie on the noodle?

Anyway, I thought I’d share this dangerous H8 filled propaganda video with my audience. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to call the suicide hotline.


Speaking of homophobic Jews…

Coming on the heels of last week’s all-out blitz of Albany by radical homo-hating Jews (see previous post), known homophobe (and Jew!) Benjamin Shapiro takes a mean-spirited swipe at the LGBTQXYZ community.

You may know Shapiro as the  loudmouth, yarmulke-wearing, young  right-wing columnist, activist, and radio host. This moron graduated suma cum laude from UCLA at the age of twenty and then graduated cum laude with a Juris Doctorate from Harvard Law at the age of twenty-three.  Actually, I would be totally impressed with his Ivy League credentials if he were on my side, but since he isn’t, then I don’t really care.

Lil' Benny Shapiro posing with his first book, "Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America's Youth". As if there's something wrong with that. Anyway, this is one, mean, nasty, gay-hating JEW. Being from California, I'd bet he even voted for Prop H8. He'd get along well with Jews for Decency (and/or Fascism)

Shapiro’s one of those abstinence crusaders. He thinks guys should keep their schmeckels in their pants until marriage. Marriage to women, of course. Psht. Somebody ought to tell him that abstinence is the leading cause of AIDS and unwanted pregnancies. That’s what I learned from NPR anyway. But you know he’s a real prude, and probably a repressed homosexual…or so I hope.

In his latest book, “Primetime Propaganda: The True Hollywood Story of How the Left Took Over Your TV”, Shapiro offers weak arguments to the effect that lefty producers in Hollywood are making television programs with lefty messages. What those messages are, or what evidence Shapiro presents, I don’t know because I haven’t read it. I won’t read it either, because I might kill myself. You have to understand that gay people commit suicide at the drop of a hat.

Primetime Propaganda: The True Hollywood Story of How the Left Took Over Your TV". Haven't read this one either. And I won't. I guess it kind of perturbs me that he makes the Left "taking over" your TV sound like a bad thing.

The whole book is based on deceit. Shapiro actually went around to Hollywood producers, introducing himself–using his real name!–and wearing a Harvard Law baseball cap, which is a school he actually attended. He was trying to pass himself off as some kind of Harvard educated Jew…which he kind of is, I suppose. But it’s really sneaky because he predicts that Hollywood producers will assume that he’s a liberal just like they are and speak freely about their biases. And they did. Isn’t he underhanded?

Shapiro seems upset that the Hollywood producers he talked  go out of their way to make gay characters look good, the old “television promotes homosexuality” argument. Everyone knows that you can’t actually promote homosexuality because it’s an inborn trait. Don’t ask me to show you the gene that causes it because I can’t. Just take it on faith the way that I do.

So, what’s wrong with making gay characters look good? I think that’s a real positive. It doesn’t shake my faith in the gay precept that homosexuals are constantly maligned and abused in our society. Nope. Not one bit. I still consider myself America’s premiere victim group despite the fact that the entertainment industry does nothing but shill for my issues.

Imagine that you’re watching Law and Order or a similar cop show. Let’s say that the detectives are investigating a suspect for a possible homocide. And then they drop the bombshell–the suspect in question is a cocksmuggler! Well then, you know instantly that the homosexual being investigated didn’t commit the crime. He probably has an airtight alibi. He couldn’t have committed the murder because he and his partner were feeding the homeless at the time the crime took place. Or they were rescuing kittens.

If you want to know who really did the deed, turn your suspicion toward the swarmy Catholic priest or evangelical minister. Ha! Yep, you can bet that he was the one who did it, every time. He’s also a pedophile with odd Nazi sympathies.  If the show doesn’t feature any swarmy Catholic priests or evangelical ministers, your next best bet would be the deranged Marine who just got home from Afghanistan. He probably did it. Unless he’s a gay Marine of course, in which case all bets are off.

Homosexuals are always the most loveable, wise, kind, and generous characters in TV Land. The “homo with a heart of gold” is a stock character on every show. There are no gay drug dealers like the real life Matthew Shepard, or gay murderers like the real life Nicholas Gutierrez.  There are only friendly gay neighbors, funny gay husbands, and loveable gay teens.

And that’s the way it should be! Every LGBTQXYZ character is saintly, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I guess that’s my beef with Shapiro. Even the title of his book sounds conspiratorial–how the Left “took over” your TV. Wait, isn’t the TV rightfully ours? Only progressive people like me should be on television. Only people with my values should be writing the scripts. I’ve even heard rumors that there are a few backward people in the Midwest who still think homosexuality is “wrong”. What the hell is the point of televison if not to furtively deliver positive messages about sodomy into their living rooms on a daily basis?

In Shapiro’s latest rant, “Of Television and Same-sex Marriage,” he argues:

“It’s not that tolerance for gays and lesbians is a bad message – precisely the opposite.  But Hollywood’s goal in making homosexuality ubiquitous on television is to create a gay friend and neighbor for everyone, so that they can then make the most effective argument on behalf of gay marriage.”

Um, yeah? So? That’s what television is for–to make stupid people think like Hollywood’s gay elite. Stupid people need that from time to time. Flaming homosexuals need to be on television at every moment. Nothing but gayness on every channel, in every time slot. We need girls kissing on The Family Channel (we achieved that), we need gay weddings on every sitcom (we’ve achieved that), gay dads rasing kids (we’ve achieved that). We need an entire gay channel (we’ve achieved that). We need HIV positive characters on Sesame Street, for crying out loud! (We’ve acheived that too). Everything has to be gay all the time or else I’m oppressed and might take my own life. Okay, so even when the entire network line up is painted rainbow colors, I’m still oppressed. And I still might take my own life.

Shapiro has this weird idea that the overrepresentation of homosexuals on the television screen might have something to do with the fact that most Americans think that gay people are jumping out of the woodwork at them.

This week, a poll of Americans showed something absolutely stunning: a full 35 percent of Americans believe that more than one in four Americans is gay; a majority, 52 percent, think that over 20 percent are gay; and a full 78 percent believe that at least ten percent of Americans are gay.  The real statistic: somewhere around two percent of Americans are gay.  There is only one place in American life that the one in four figure or one in five figure is absolutely accurate: on television, where gay characters pervade virtually every show.  The younger Americans are, the more likely they are to believe that there is an elevated population of gays; the poorer and less educated they are, the more likely they are to believe the skewed statistics.  Not coincidentally, those who are young, poor, and uneducated tend to be the largest consumers of television.

Okay, so poorer and less educated people think that everybody’s gay because all they do is sit on their asses in their double wide trailers and watch the idiot box. And everything on their television is supergay. I think that’s really great. So what if actual proportion of LGBTQXYZ Americans is one in fifty rather than one in four? That just means that television is doing a bang up job of warping their reality in a gay-positive manner.

At one point in the book, Shapiro interviews Marc Cherry, the pillow-biting producer of Desperate Housewives. Mr. Cherry explains why he introduced a gay couple to the show:

“…[It is] it’s own political statement which was ‘see, you can have gay neighbors, they can be perfectly fine, they can fit in with the rest of the folks, and it doesn’t change anything.  And you kind of hope that you are preparing the way, planting little seeds in the minds of people who sometime over the next few years are going to have gay neighbors buy a house on their street.  And for me, that’s the most effective political message is that its not particularly aggressive.”

In Ben Shapiro’s bizarro world, producers who “prepare the way” and “plant little seeds in the minds of people” are engaging in some form of insidious “propaganda”.  It’s almost as if Marc Cherry is trying to slip you an “effective political message” without you even knowing it. Which he is, of course. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

The gay neighbors on Desperate Housewives. "And I don't really talk about their sexuality much," says gay producer Marc Cherry. I can see that. Cherry's "political message" is so effective precisely because it's "not aggressive", as he puts it. This happens to be my favorite DH scene ever. I TiVoed it so I could yank my crank to it over and over.

So, if you’re interested in wasting $24.99 on some wacky, insane, homophobic conspiracy theories from well-known ORTHODOX JEW, feel free to pick up Shapiro’s book. If you’re like me, however, you won’t read it. I don’t read much.

I ♥ NY (The Jews? Not so much.)

As I’m sure you have all already heard, New York has become the sixth state in the union to pass marriage equality.  I was absolutely giddy to hear the news.  Finally, those guys from the Village People can start pairing off together!

Now that we have vanquished our bigoted foes, I think it’s about time we seek to personally destroy anyone who opposed us. Democracy works a lot better when we intimidate, blacklist, harass and persecute our opponents. Wait, did I say democracy? I usually don’t like democracy, not unless it yields the results I want, as it did last night in Albany. Minority rights must never be voted on, unless my side wins and then I get a tear in my eye and I celebrate with champagne. In the future, we must devise a form of democracy that ensures that my side wins every time.

I really like how the homosexuals of California handled their Prop H8 defeat. Blacklisting their (mostly Mormon and Catholic) opponents guarantees that anyone who disagrees with us will think twice in the future about voting, speaking, or donating money. Blacklisting used to be a bad thing, back when the Hollywood studios used it against the Stalinist Left for about fifteen minutes during the McCarthyite 1950’s. I know it was bad because I’ve seen about sixteen movies and four PBS documentaries about it. But those were just utopian visionaries who wanted to bring the oppressive Soviet system to America, so let’s not compare them to the moral monsters who object to redefining marriage.

That’s why I was thrilled to discover a website pop up after Prop H8 called stopthemormons.org. Click on the site on my blog roll. As the bloggers explain in their FAQ, “Stop the Mormons” is not a bigoted, anti-Mormon site because Mormons really do deserve all the hate they get. Personally, I’ve never met a Mormon, but I kind of agree. Hating people who deserve to be hated isn’t hate. Also, the bloggers filled their website with testimony from all sorts of token non-Mormon Mormons that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they don’t hate Mormons. They even have a picture of noted Mormon Harry Reid on their site. And everyone knows that Harry Reid is a super-devout Mormon. He just pretends that he isn’t in public.

Harry Reid, a devout Mormon. See? He's praying! Right there at the podium. Ha! Just kidding. Harry Reid doesn't believe any of that Mormon crap, and if he did we'd kneecap that motherfucker too. Still, it's nice to have guys like him around that provide us cover for our anti-Mormon hate.

As it turns out, there aren’t many Mormons in New York, so they weren’t as much of a force as they were in California.  I’m sure they were still hanging out in their caves in the desert, meddling in the affairs of New York from afar and marrying multiple underage brides.

But from what I saw, the main opponents of New York’s marriage equality bill were THE JEWS! So I immediately ran to my computer and tried to register the domain name “stopthejews.org”. But then I thought to myself, “Wait a second, Patrick. That sounds kind of anti-Semitic”.

But no, it isn’t true! I have lots of Jewish friends. None of them actually practice Judaism, but at least they’ve had their kosher franks circumcised. I know this because I’ve seen all of my friends’ dicks up close.  So I had a little debate with myself, right then and there. I asked myself, if someone had a website called “Stop the blacks” or “Stop the Mexicans”, would I consider that racist? Yes, I would.  If someone had a blog called “Stop the gays”, would I consider that homophobic? Yes, I certainly would. If someone had a blog called “Stop the Muslims”, would I consider that Islamophobic? Yes. And heaven knows that I’m deathly afraid of being called Islamaphobic.

But this is different! I would even go out of my way to find Jews who agree with me and lace the website with quotes from them, thus proving that a website about “stopping the Jews” is not really anti-Jewish. It’s kind of the same thing with the Mormons. I DO NOT hate Mormons. I just hate people who subscribe to the Mormon faith. If, for example, you are a Mormon who doesn’t actually believe any of that Mormon crap, then we’re cool. That way, you can provide cover for me against the charge that I am anti-Mormon. It’s the same with the Jews.

So let me clarify what I mean by “stop the Jews”. I am NOT against Jews. I love secular Hollywood Jews like Steven Spielberg. The well-known director and Eagle Scout even told the Boy Scouts of America to piss off over their no homosexual policy. Which is great, because I really think that the BSA should allow me to take little boys camping. It’s a travesty that they don’t. It’s good to know that when a wholesome youth organization dedicated to building character and helping little old ladies across the street is in a pitched battle with a group of foaming-at-the-mouth homosexuals, Steven Spielberg knows which side he’s on. I REALLY like the secular Hollywood Jews who happen to be gay–David Geffen and Joel Schumacher, for example. They make lots of great propaganda films.

And there are loads of good Jews in politics. Take, for example, Anthony’s Weiner, the recently deposed Congressman from New York. Now there was a nasty, arrogant, loud-mouth, in-your-face Jew that I could have really gotten along with. And since he’s never had the pretense of standing for “family values” (quote-unquote), then what he did was not hypocritical. And so it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with being a dirtbag so long as you never pretended to have any moral standards in the first place. And really, you gotta like a Congressman who plays dress up in a bra and panties. My husband and I did that last weekend, so it’s kind of neat to know that a congressman does the same thing.

Anthony Weiner in his crazy college days. I thought he was just an arrogant prick. Who knew he had a softer side? He's a good Jew. We like this Jew.

No, the kind of Jews I hate are the ones with the hats and the beards and the lamb chops. Y’know–the churchy Jews. I guess you would call them synagogue-y Jews. Just last week, a group calling itself “Jews for Decency” descended upon the state house in Albany like locusts, doing their best to ambush senators and persuade them to vote “no” on marriage equality. Yeah right, more like “Jews for Fascism”. As I’ve found in the past, “decency” is basically a code word for fascism. Beware of anyone who uses it. Check out their website here:


Oh, the Jews and their “decency”. Don’t they know that religious organizations have no say whatsoever in governmental affairs? That’s what we patriotic Americans like to call the “seperation of church and state”. It’s been part of the American legal tradition ever since a KKK member named Justice Hugo Black inserted it into his majority opinion in order to deprive Catholics the use of public facilities. It’s not actually in the Constitution, but that’s good enough for me. Now, if some short, dumpy, bi-curious, genderqueer Methodist minister from some ultra-left wing church in a college town wants to come testify before the New York legislature, that’s okay. It’s okay because everyone knows (s)he doesn’t really believe in God, and thus the seperation of church and state no longer applies.

Rabbi Leiter of Jews for "Decency" walks and talks with Republican Senator James Alesi. Thankfully, Alesi told this Jew-boy to take a hike and voted YES on marriage equality. Good for him. And as for Rabbi Leiter--now I know why your people have been hated down through history. Don't you dare try to twist that as some kind of anti-Semitic remark.

I was thinking to myself that we should handle these Jews just the same way we handled the Mormons. For example, we should boycott Jewish-owned business, just like we boycotted Mormon-owned businesses. We should vandalize their houses of worship just the same way we did to Catholics and Mormons after Prop H8. But then a thought occurred to me–wait a second, if we treated Jews the same way we treated Mormons,  someone might draw a connection between our intimidation campaign and Kristallnacht. And then the Jews would be able to claim “victimhood”.

"Kauft nicht bei Juden!" (Don't buy from Jews!) I was thinking we could mount a campaign like this after last night's marriage equality vote. It seemed to work with the Mormons. But someone might see some historical parallels, so let's not do it. We're going to have to find another way to punish the Jews. I'm open to ideas, just leave a comment.

So let’s recap. I want to find a way to punish the Jews for participating in the democratic process on the other side of an issue about which I feel strongly. That does not mean that I am anti-Jewish, because I don’t hate all Jews. I only hate Jews who practice Judaism and believe that silly book they’ve been lugging around for like five thousand years. I’d like to treat them just like the we treated the Mormons after Proposition 8–unleash so much bile and discrimination against them that they’ll never even dream of opposing us in the future. Not that I’m anti-Mormon. Of course, if I treated the Jews the same way that I treated the Mormons, someone might see shades of Nazism in my actions. And I don’t want that.

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