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DADT is dead! Let the special rights fall like rain.

With the full repeal of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, open homosexuality is now permitted in the military. And just as I had predicted, nothing has really changed.

Nothing, that is, except for the fact that homosexual servicemen can now do gay porn shoots while wearing the uniform, albeit, in a slightly disheveled, half-off fashion! Being the military gay porn enthusiast that I am, I applaud this most recent development. The more strapping young military lads we have committing sodomy on film, in uniform, for my perverse entertainment, the better! Keep it coming.

Meet Marine Sergeant Matthew W. Simmons, member of the Marine Corps band and part time (gay) porn star. Porn name: Christian Jade. His exploits in the adult film industry recently landed him in hot water due to the fact that he was a) engaging in sodomy with other men, b) wearing his uniform while engaging in sodomy with other men, and c) discussing in behind the scenes footage that he is a Marine.

Sergeant Matthew W. Simmons, aka "Christian Jade". Nothing I love more than a beefcake Marine doing fag porn. So glad the Marines are okay with this sort of thing now.

When the story first broke, I thought he looked kind of familiar.  I checked my gay porn collection and discovered that I own this particular DVD. It’s right there in the “Military Dudes” category, subcategory: USMC. I give it a “B”, maybe a “B+”.  I’ve seen better.

Sergeant Simmons plays the baritone horn in Marine Corps band. In his off-time he plays the skin flute, ha ha!

According to the Marine Corps Times, Sergeant Simmons pleaded guilty to charges of misusing the uniform. Despite his guilty plea, the court threw the case out because he never wore the whole uniform while on camera.

“We are also not satisfied, on the basis of this record, that the appellant’s statements or wear of uniform items may create an inference of service endorsement of the activities depicted. The appellant never wore a complete ‘uniform,‘ so the general public could never receive ’visual evidence of the authority and responsibility vested in the individual by the United States Government.’ He did not voice any Marine support for what he was doing or any service views on the propriety or impropriety of his conduct.

This is wonderful news! I mean, I’d hate for the poor lad to have to face some repercussions for doing gay porn while using his uniform. So, I agree with the court on this one. They stretched and bent themselves into a pretzel trying to find a justification, and I think it’s a pretty good one.

You see, Simmons never wore the whole uniform while on camera. In some scenes he’s wearing the pants, in others, his PT top, in still others, he’s wearing his dress blue coat with rank insignia and medals. But in no scene is he ever wearing a full uniform! See, so it’s okay. Ha! Yeah, I know what you’re thinking–pornography is not usually something that one does fully clothed. And I thought the same thing. But any port in a storm, right? If the judge came up with this wacky justification to let him off, I’ll take it.

And even though he said on camera that he was a Marine, that didn’t imply an endorsement by the Marine Corps. Also, even though he received ten grand for doing the sodomy film, he was not convicted of using his uniform for commercial gain. Because it was only half a uniform. And ten thousand bucks isn’t really a commercial gain.

Gee…I wish someone would give me ten thousand bucks to bang some hot military studs.

Now, just two weeks after DADT dies an ignominious death, new justifications for previously prohibited behaviors are being invented out of thin air. Sergeant Simmons is not the first active duty military member to do pornography. He is not the first active duty military member to do it in uniform–oops, I mean, half a uniform. And he’s not the first one to get caught.

But he is the first one to be let off with such a ridiculous justification. The old “half a uniform” loophole didn’t exist until the Simmons case created it. It’s almost as if the military is now treating homosexuals with kiddie gloves. No, that can’t be it. That’s just ridiculous. They don’t do that with women, for example. Chicks just have to suck it up and be treated just like the men. Other than the lower physical standards and the affirmative action and the general special treatment they receive. I mean, other than that, everyone in the military is treated the same.Nobody gets a free pass and nobody is above the law.

Nobody but Matthew Simmons that is! Ha! Ha!

Ever heard of this Air Force chick named Michelle Manhart? She was a drill sergeant at Lackland AFB in Texas when she posed nude for the February 2007 issue of Playboy wearing her uniform. Er, I mean half of her uniform. Interestingly, no one thought that half a uniform wasn’t really a uniform back when she did it. But that was because she’s a girl, and girls are just icky.

Michelle Manhart loves posing in her uniform. I mean, half a uniform.

Manhart was immediately relieved of her duties pending an investigation. She was eventually demoted from staff sergeant to senior airman, and later took an out from the military. The former drill sergeant now has a gig at a Canadian news service where she is known as “the naked reporter”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If anyone had suggested even last month that the demise of the military’s discriminatory policy would have led to a lowering of standards, I would have called them a liar. If anyone had said that queer troops would be allowed to do things that straight troops had been disciplined for in the past, I would have said that nothing will change with the end of DADT and that all the same rules will apply. If anyone had said that homosexuals would represent a new victim class that can get away with things that are clearly prohibited–such as using the uniform for financial gain, disgracing the uniform for the purpose of making smut–I would have gotten all upset and indignant.

That won’t happen! Because the military has rules against that stuff! You’re just a bigot who’s making shit up to keep patriotic gays from serving their country! You’re a haaaaaaaaater!

I’d then I probably would have thrown glitter all over the place and stormed off like a bitch.

It’s kind of a pattern with faggots like me. Whenever anyone correctly discerns the future consequences of gains in the realm of gay rights, I get all pissy and indignant. If someone says that ‘X’ will lead to ‘Y’, I say it won’t happen. And then when ‘X’ really does lead to ‘Y’, I shrug it off. So?

The truth is that I’m quite happy that Sergeant Simmons got off. He received special treatment and that’s fine by me. I WANT SPECIAL TREATMENT. That’s why I’m constantly comparing myself to black people. We’ve lowered standards for black people, why can’t we lower standards for guys who take it in the ass? We’ve made excuses for their poor behavior, why can’t we make excuses for our poor behavior? We now censor people who have politically incorrect things to say about race, why can’t we censor people who have politically incorrect things to say about buttfucking? I want all the same protections that black people receive. Because we’ve had it just as bad as they have.

Lo and behold, we’re getting it! Just days after the end of DADT and the special treatment is already arriving with all deliberate speed. Oh, I can’t wait for the gay “firsts”. The first gay fighter pilot, the first gay admiral–a rear admiral no doubt, the first gay chief of staff, the first gay Navy Seal. Most of these will be mandated by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and the rest of Congress, but we’ll just pretend that these people earned it.

I love the new Obama military.

Colonel Gadhafi a member of our community?

In breaking news out of Libya, it appears that the dictator Muammar Gadhafi (Qaddafi, Gaddafi, Kadafi, Qadhafi) has slipped into hiding. As his government crumbles, rebels have seized the seaside palace of one of Gadhafi’s sons and uncovered a world of dazzling wealth.

Libyan rebel poses in Gadhafi's compound with a couch in the shape of a golden mermaid. With the demise of Gadhafi's last stronghold, the dictator has officially been eliminated.

The rebels were shocked at the opulence of the compound. In a nation racked with poverty, the Gadhafi family lived high on the hog. One rebel snorted,

“Libyan children have no childhood, their lives are destroyed by Gaddafi. But his children, his family, have everything.”

Rebels uncovered a Lamborghini, an indoor swimming pool, a full amusement park, a zoo, and..gay porn?

http://queermeup.com/queer-facts/a-gay-porn-dvd-was-found-among-gaddafi-sons-belongings/

Yes, that’s right. A hot, boy-on-boy DVD entitled Boyz Tracks was found on the property. I immediately dashed to my porn library to see if I owned that one. As a matter of fact, I do. There on the third shelf, fourteenth from the left, on the third page of volume F, was my very own copy of Boyz Tracks. Haven’t watched it in a while, but there it was. As I handled the disc lovingly, I recalled the moments that I had shared with this particular DVD. Boyz Tracks was an instant classic.

So what does it all mean? Can we conclude from the evidence that the good colonel is himself a cum-guzzler? If he is, I say welcome to the community. As a vicious tyrant and all-around opponent of free speech and free exercise of religion, Gadhafi will fit right in. These two gay bullies can hardly find fault with Gadhafi, if he in fact turns out to be a gay bully as well.

Let’s look at the evidence, both for and against.

Evidence that Gadhafi is a homo

1) The wardrobe. One the one hand, his fashion sense is terrible. It borders on criminality. I wouldn’t be caught dead in some of the outfits that he wears. But on the other hand, it’s certainly flamboyant. Who does he think he is–Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile? When I see the man strutting around in outfits like this, I can’t help but think of a wrinkled, old Liberace.

Gadhafi (left) and Liberace (right). The resemblance is eerie.

2) The creepy obsession with children. An amusement park and a zoo? Seriously, dude? Is that to entertain other despots like Hugo Chavez and Jim Jong-Il? Of course not. It’s for the kiddies. Just think of Michael Jackson and his Neverland theme park. And as we all know, homosexuals have a bizarre obsession with kids, which might explain why we feel compelled to get right down into the elementary schools to push our agenda, or why we need to have “gay days” at Walt Disney World or “Out in the Park” at Six Flags. It’s why we’ve set our hearts on infiltrating the Boys Scouts and why we get so pissed off that they won’t let us join. In many ways, we are emotionally and cognitively retarded, stuck in the anal stage of development. It goes a long way to explain why we exhibit about as much maturity as the average fourth grader.

3) The Amazonian guard. Gadhafi’s most trusted bodyguards are all women. Now, if I were to choose a group of people to protect me, I’d pick a group of strapping young lads–young, fit, and preferably smoking hot Latino guys. If you remember the boys from Menudo, that’s pretty much what my security detail would like. Except they’d have guns. If you look at it from that angle, this piece of evidence seems to support the theory that Gadhafi is a hetero. While it may seem odd that a gay man would choose a group of women to defend him, consider this–the women are all virgins. That means that Gadhafi himself hasn’t laid a finger on them, which strikes me as very odd. If he were using these women as his personal harem, I would say that’s about par for the course. Dictators have had harems since the beginning of time. But for a powerful man to surround himself with young women 24/7 and never partake? That’s weird. I’m thinkin’ he likes the cock.

Flamboyant Gadhafi surrounded by his entirely female security detail. A straight man would have brought a few of these girls to bed with him. If they're truly virgins, as he says they are, then I'm going to have to question his sexual orientation. Hideous wardrobe, by the way.

Evidence that Gadhafi is not a homo

1) The weird Condeleezza Rice photo album. Among Gadhafi’s belongings was found an album filled with pictures of the former Secretary of State and National Security adviser. Gadhafi’s obsession with the her borders on the pathological. Last time I checked, Condoleezza Rice is a woman. So it appears that his crush is heterosexual in nature. Weird.

Rebels found this album at Gadhafi's crib. It's filled with nothing buy Condi Rice pictures.

The depths of the dictator’s fascination were not known until recently, although clues existed. Gadhafi once commented:

“I support my darling black African woman. I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders. … Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much. I admire her, and I’m proud of her, because she’s a black woman of African origin.”

Still, the Condeleezza obsession could just be a cover. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell used to have that thing about Tom Cruise? We all know she didn’t really have the hots for Cruise. It’s just that her audience thought her crush on a man was a lot cuter than her being an angry bull dyke. It’s possible that Gadhafi is infatuated with Dr. Rice in a “gay icon” sort of way–kind of like  I am with Cher and Judy Garland.

Despite the strong circumstancial evidence that Papa Gadhafi is the owner of Boyz Track, I think it’s more likely that it belongs to his son, al-Saadi. It was, after all, found at his villa. Also, a 2009 State Department cable–released as part of the Wikileaks document dump–describes al-Saadi Gadhafi as a bit of a wild child. He has had run-ins with European police, as well as drug and alcohol abuse and excessive partying. That sounds like most gay men I know.

Heck, al-Saadi might want to check to see if Bawney Fwank is available. Al-Saadi is definitely Fwank’s type. See previous post:

https://twogaybullies.wordpress.com/2011/07/19/this-day-in-lgbtqxyz-history-july-20th/

Of course, there’s no reason why both Gadhafi the elder and Gadhafi the son couldn’t both be queer. Perhaps they watched the movie together. It’s called a circle jerk. Don’t pretend you haven’t done it.

My feelings about a gay Muammar Gadhafi are mixed. I certainly don’t find the aging man attractive. But on the other hand, he is rich and powerful, which really turns me on. I’d be lying if I told you that I’ve never acted as some older man’s boytoy just to enjoy the benefits of his riches. I could get hip to Gadhafi if the price was right.

Until he surfaces, I guess we’ll never know.

UPDATE: A friend of al-Saadi Gadhafi is now claiming that he was thrown in jail for refusing al-Saadi’s gay advances.

Saadi is gay. He tried to have sex with me but I refused. I only like girls. So he threw me in military jail.”

According to the UK Daily Mirror, the compound in question has “three cell-like rooms and a caged ­building where Saadi is said to have set dogs on people who displeased him.” Oh yeah. This guy’s a sick fuck. I’d bet he’s got all sorts of sexual issues.

I think the mystery has been solved. The DVD most likely belonged to Gadhafi junior. It does not, however, preclude the possibility that they’re both big fans of sodomy.

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