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Brain damage makes you gay. Three cheers for brain damage.

If ever there was a story of something good coming out of something deeply tragic, this is it. Meet Chris Birch of Ystrad Mynach, South Wales. He’s gay. I mean, really, really gay. He’s a hairdresser for crying out loud. Chris lives with his nineteen year old boyfriend in an apartment above the salon. They have lots of gay sex. Did I mention that he’s gay?

But here’s the thing about Chris Birch. He’s only recently become gay. Not that long ago, he was definitely a hetero–he worked in a bank, played rugby, and drank beer with the boys. He was also engaged to marry his girlfriend.

Chris Birch. He's gone all the way gay. I mean, seriously. He's not holding anything back. I've seen straighter guys on the Tony Awards.

And then something amazing happened. While playing “footie” at the park, he decided that he could really impress his pals with a killer backflip. His attempt fell flat. He didn’t pull off the stunt but he did manage to break his neck and trigger a stroke. The amateur acrobat was racked with excruciating pain, blacked out, and was rushed to the hospital.

And then he woke up gay.

Sounds strange, I know. But there really was a whole new Chris.

“When I was finally let out of the hospital I moved back in with Mum and started physio. I had to learn to walk, eat, even speak again and all my family were supporting me, hoping they would see the old Chris come back ­soon enough. I had physio for five months and was ­really focused but every now and then I would notice my family shooting me a funny look or saying I was different.”

Yes. different. And what gay man hasn’t felt a little different? Not like the other boys. The old Chris Birch–the beer drinking rugby player who worked at the bank and dated women–was gone. Suddenly all that hetero masculine stuff just wasn’t interesting. He was a femme queer.

“My old friends would come round and visit me but the conversation would dry up straightaway. I wasn’t interested in the rugby scores, going down the pub to watch football or anything else I used ­to do.”

It didn’t take long before Chris realized that he didn’t care so much for the taco anymore. He was a fan of the sausage.

“I was watching TV one day when a really handsome guy came on. I felt my stomach flutter and the same feelings I used to have for pretty girls came across me. I had never felt like that about a man before but I knew immediately what the ­feeling was. I fancied him.”

His first crush on a boy. How cute.

Now, I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. On the one hand, I’m always glad to have one more person on our side. Making the whole world gay sounds just fine by me. Welcome to the club, Chris.

But on the other hand…this is very threatening to our theory that people are just “born that way”. Wait, did I say theory? It’s not a theory. It’s science. And if you don’t believe me, you must be a science hater. And you don’t want to be a science hater…do you?

Born this way. It's our motto, our creed, our rallying cry. I'm not even sure I believe it, but the entire basis of our political movement is that sexual activities are genetic and therefore comparable to sex, race, or ethnicity. We couldn't change even if we wanted to.

The entire foundation of our movement is that our sexual activities are preprogrammed at birth and therefore not really our fault. Without this concept, we’re just another group of people defined by our behaviors, just like cigarette smokers, vegetarians, swingers, bungee jumpers and pet owners. No one would think we’re being “discriminated against” if, for example, an apartment complex didn’t permit smokers.

So we had to come up with something else. And this is what we decided: Gay is the new black. It’s a rather far-fetched concept that was initially laughed at and mocked when the political gays rolled it out three decades ago.

Butt sex is kind of like having black skin? You’ve got to be shitting me.

The worst part is that the blacks themselves were the least likely to accept that my taking it in the poopchute was somehow equivalent to the color of their skin. They laughed at us, and from time to time, kicked our asses for making such a stupid and insulting comparison. Believe me, I once caught a serious beating.

So we had to start firing the blacks from their jobs for failing to see the comparison. Just ask Crystal Dixon. She was fired from her job at Toledo University because she wrote a letter to the editor expressing her belief that someone else’s sexuality was not the same as the color of her skin. Yeah, what the hell would she know about being black? We had the bitch fired. In the future, the blacks will be careful not to question the analogy.

We pressed on, repeating the lie so many times that it started to ring true. We got ourselves into the schools and we taught it to an entire generation of kids who, by the time they graduated, had heard it so many times that it didn’t seem the least bit ridiculous anymore. It was probably the most successful propaganda campaign in the history of the world.

We were doing so well and then along came Chris from Wales. A stroke changed him from hetero sports fan slob caveman into a queerboy. Now, I’ve heard of strokes having an effect on personality. I’ve heard of people waking up from strokes with odd foreign accents and with newly discovered artistic skills. But I’ve never heard of a stroke altering a person’s DNA. And since gayness is predetermined at birth by genetic code, this whole story just does not compute.

Gayness is a just a genetically determined trait like any other–say, having red hair and freckles, height, eye color, or skin color.  Unfortunately, there are no known instances of any of those genetically determined traits changing because of a stroke.

For example, my mother had a stroke a few years back, and she still woke up a Caucasian woman with blond hair and blue yes. The stroke happened right after I came out to her, if I remember correctly. She had an aneurism and collapsed right there in front of me. Nothing much changed after the stroke except that she now drools out of one side of her mouth and she spends most of her time crying because her son is a homo. Now, if she had woken up as a black person, as a man, or as a red head,  that would have been a really neat trick. If she had woken up as a Lakota Sioux chieftain that would have been pretty cool too. Or if she had woken up with a new eye color. Unfortunately, she can’t wake up as any of those things because her DNA won’t allow it.

But if a person can wake up gay, that must mean that DNA is not the culprit. No wonder we can’t find a gay gene despite the fact that we’ve been searching since before Chris Birch was born.  All we’ve done is asked the government for more grant money and assured the public that such a gene exists and we’re going to find it…someday. Until we find the evidence, just keep believing in the theory, m’kay?

That’s how science works, right guys? First I come up with a theory then I demand that you take it on faith while I find the evidence to support it, no matter how long it takes. I have this theory that there’s a magic space dragon who lives on the opposite side of the sun from the planet earth. We can never see him because–duh!–he’s hiding behind the burning ball of gas in the sky. But don’t worry, we’re looking for him. We’re sure he exists and we’ll just need a little more time and lot more money to find him. In the meantime, you’d better shut your mouth with all of that doubt. This is science and you don’t question science.

The Stroke Association of Great Britain was asked to weigh in on the astounding revelation that strokes can turn people queer. According to spokesman Joe Korner:

“In a stroke, blood supply to the brain is cut off and in the areas starved of oxygen, brain cells die and brain damage can occur. But the brain is amazingly adaptable and during recovery it can make new neural connections, finding different pathways to achieve the same thing. So it’s possible those new neural connections can trigger connections to things people weren’t aware of such as an accent, language, or different sexuality.”

Geez, that’s strange. Accents and languages are not genetic. But gayness is. I know that it is.

It’s almost as if he’s saying that homosexuality is the result of brain damage. If your brain is cut off from oxygen for a while, parts of it begin to die, and then you wake up with the insatiable urge to slurp cock. That goes a long way in explaining why so many of the men I’ve dated over the years have been batshit crazy. Sorry, Michael.

Even so, I don’t like this brain damage theory. If people thought that being gay was a mental disorder–as it was classified by the APA until 1973–they still wouldn’t understand us to be a persecuted minority. They’d say, ‘Hey they need some help, but they’re still crazy like schizos’. No one would change marriage laws to accommodate the mental patient community. So it has to be genetic. It just has to be.

Still, there appears to be something to the brain damage theory. Last year, a study was conducted in Sri Lanka concerning the effect of mercury on male ibises. Shockingly, the study determined that the birds were significantly more likely to engage in same-sex pairings after being fed mercury in their rations than ibises that had not been exposed to the heavy metal.

Boy ibises tend to like other boy ibises after suffering heavy metal poisoning. So don’t tell me it’s “unnatural”.

I was initially thrilled with this news because I love to read about homosexuality in the animal kingdom. Whenever anyone says that two guys sodomizing each other is not natural, I point out that animals do it. And heaven knows that humans should not hold themselves to any higher standard than animals. If it’s so unnatural, how come it occurs in nature?

But then someone pointed out to me that a human pollutant was added in this instance. The point of the study on ibises is that mercury poisoning makes you gay. So when I say that being gay is natural, I mean that you might begin to exhibit homosexual tendencies after sucking out the contents of one of those new curly-q lightbulbs. That kind of natural.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn19784-mercury-poisoning-makes-male-birds-homosexual.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news

Even so, it’s kind of hard to attribute the homosexual behavior of the ibises to their genes when it appears that mercury poisoning is to blame. Mercury may have a lot of nasty effects, but it doesn’t alter your DNA. So I think we should just ignore this study because it doesn’t fit my preconceived notions.

Hmmm…I just had a thought. There was that time when I was a kid when I found a broken thermometer on the floor and started playing with that fun silvery metal that was seeping out of it. It was so much fun to watch it roll across my skin in beads. I put it in my hair, in my mouth, up my butt. Might that have something to do with why I like boys?

If it is, I’ll just say that it’s better this way. I sure am glad I poisoned my brain because now I have my husband and we’re happy and fulfilled. At least that’s what we try to convince ourselves.

Chris Birch is happy too. He likes the new Chris.

“I think I’m happier than ever, so I don’t regret the accident.”

Good for you Chris. Take it from me–brain damage can be a wonderful thing. It can lead to rich and deep relationships with other men and eternal happiness.

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Thomas Sowell is one of those fascists who loves free speech

Sorry, I haven’t been updating lately. The Nor’Easter that hit Massachusetts knocked out my internet for a while. I blame global warming for the surprise October snowstorm. Unfortunately, I was completely cut off from my favorite gay porn sites. After a few days, I was in quite the foul mood, as you can imagine.

When I finally got back online, I was incensed to read Thomas Sowell’s latest column,” The Media and ‘Bullying'”.

http://townhall.com/columnists/thomassowell/2011/10/25/the_media_and_bullying

In short, he argues that homosexuals are “special” victims of bullying. When they are bullied, the media pay attention while ignoring other types of bullying. The result is to create a special kind of victim class.

Thomas Sowell, Stanford economist and known homophobe. Somebody ought to tell him that butt sex is kind of like black skin.

I don’t want any special victim status for gays. I just want the same equal treatment that blacks get. You know–separate gay proms just like blacks have separate black proms. Separate gay dorm floors just the same way blacks get separate black dorm floors.  I want to be treated with kiddy gloves, to be able to break the rules with impunity. I want standards to be lowered so that I can get my dream job without actually possessing the qualifications. I want my sexual escapades to be considered when applying for a job, just so long as they work in my favor. The same way we do for the blacks. Gay is the new black.

And I think we’re owed as much, Dr. Sowell. I’ve spent years toiling in the trenches, fighting for the civil rights of black people not to be held to the same standards as white people. I understand that as a conservative, you don’t want lowered standards for your particular group. But I have fought for those lowered standards nonetheless. The least you could do is return the favor.

Okay, Dr. Sowell, if you are reading this, let me spell it out for you. Two men sodomizing each other is the equivalent of having black skin. Behavior is the same as identity so long as you really, really want to engage in the behavior. Oddly enough though, I don’t usually engage in behavior that I don’t want to engage in. In any case, the desire to engage in behavior (sodomy, in this case) is genetically programmed and therefore comparable to skin color. It’s still my choice whether I will act on the impulse, but that’s not really relevant. When your dick tells you to do something, there’s just no sense in resisting.

Sowell’s column really starts to tick me off here:

The current media and political crusade against “bullying” in schools seems likewise to be based on what groups are in vogue at the moment. For years, there have been local newspaper stories about black kids in schools in New York and Philadelphia beating up Asian classmates, some beaten so badly as to require medical treatment. But the national media hear no evil, see no evil and speak no evil. Asian Americans are not in vogue today, just as blacks were not in vogue in the 1920s.

First off, he puts “bullying” into quote marks, just the same way that I put terms such as “Christian”, “family values” and “traditional marriage”. He’s mocking the term bullying. It’s almost as if he’s saying that “bullying” is a term so vague that it’s become almost meaningless, which it’s certainly not. The meaning of the term bullying is crystal clear. You are guilty of bullying if you hurt the delicate feelings of butt pirates like me.

But then he starts comparing gay kids to…Asians? That’s so ridiculous. A bunch of Asian kids got beat up. Uh, so? The guys who did it were punished, right? Of course they were. Just the same way that any student should be punished for beating up any other student–gay, straight, Asian, black, Latino, white, Christian, Jewish, handicapped, whatever. So beating people up is already against the rules. It kind of makes you wonder why the explosion of special bullying laws have become absolutely necessary in recent years if they only punish things that were already prohibited.

I think the point that he’s trying to make is that the media didn’t jump into action after the Asian kids got beat up. They didn’t work overtime to create a media-driven hysteria about anti-Asian bullying. Despite the fact that the Asians in question were hospitalized, reporters didn’t think that the story was newsworthy. Just another brainy Asian kid being beat up by blacks. Unless the Asian kid liked giving blowjobs on the side, I don’t see how this can be considered news. So let’s not talk about it.

Reporters don’t have time to waste on Asian kids in the hospital. Not when there’s real bullying going on!There’s a kid in Texas named Dakota Ary who said “I think being a homosexual is wrong.” Now that’s bullying!

Sowell’s main point seems to be that the relative importance of an incident of bullying depends more on the identity of the victim and possibly the aggressor, and less on the severity of the incident. Hence, words directed at sodomites are just as bad as barbaric acts of violence directed at Asian kids. Wait a second, did I say “just as bad”? No, it’s infinitely worse to disapprove of homosexuality than it is beat up Asian kids.

Sowell:

Most of the stories about the bullying of gays in schools are about words directed against them, not about their suffering the violence that has long been directed against Asian youngsters or about the failure of the authorities to do anything serious to stop black kids from beating up Asian kids.

Well, duh! That’s because we’re trying to criminalize dissent. Everyone already agrees that physical violence is terrible and shouldn’t be tolerated. In fact, there isn’t a single school in the whole country in which it’s permitted. Our obsession with bullying is really an obsession with gagging our opponents.

If you think it’s wrong for people to sleep with persons of the same sex, you are a monster. You are a bully. And we have a zero tolerance policy for bullying in our school. Ergo, you may not express your opinion in our school. What do you think this is–America?

Unfortunately, most Americans are raised with a healthy respect for freedom. They think that speech is a protected right. They think that people have a right to disagree with each other and with authorities, and to express that disagreement. We had to think of a new way to frame our censorious, thought-stopping, speech-gagging policy in such a way that people would be so filled with shame that they would never stoop to the old “freedom” arguments to oppose us.

And this is what we came up with. We exploit the deaths of gay children. Sometimes we even exploit the deaths of children who aren’t gay.

Sure, we will all still enjoy free speech in America. But you can’t say that! Our constitutional rights must be curtailed or some gay kid might kill himself! When gay people are exposed to shame, they tend to blow their brains out. Interestingly, shame is the primary weapon that we use against those Christofascists.

Sowell continues:

“But there is still a difference between words and deeds — and it is a difference we do not need to let ourselves be stampeded into ignoring. The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States guarantees freedom of speech — and, like any other freedom, it can be abused. If we are going to take away every Constitutional right that has been abused by somebody, we are going to end up with no Constitutional rights.”

Uh, excuse me? There’s a “difference” between words and deeds? No, there isn’t. Violence is the same as words. Because if you say the wrong words to me, I might commit violence against myself and it would be your fault, not mine. So now that we’ve established that words are equivalent to violence, we can now get to work gang-raping the free speech rights of people I don’t want to hear–Christofascists, for example. And that’s how we will circumvent your silly argument about the First Amendment “protecting” speech. We will just say that your speech is killing poor, abused gay teenagers.

This woman is a genius! See? When you say things I don't want to hear, it's the equivalent of murder. And murder is illegal, so why shouldn't speech be illegal too?

More idiocy from Sowell:

“Already, on too many college campuses, there are vaguely worded speech codes that can punish students for words that may hurt somebody’s feelings — but only the feelings of groups that are in vogue.”

So what? I’m on that list of “in vogue” groups and so the censorship codes are never exercised against me and always against my enemies. And Sowell thinks that makes me a “special class” of victims! Ha! Aren’t all groups of people entitled to live their lives without ever hearing an idea that hurts their feelings? I’m all for campus speech codes, so long as they continue to used as weapons against those I disagree with. Try again, Tom.

“Women can say anything they want to men, or blacks to whites, with impunity. But strong words in the other direction can bring down on students the wrath of the campus thought police — as well as punishments that can extend to suspension or expulsion. Is this what we want in our public schools?”

Yes! With one important addition–homosexuals can say whatever they want to Christofascist H8ers, but not the reverse. That’s a perfectly acceptable policy to me.

The tiresome Sowell blathers on:

Meanwhile, a law has been passed in California that mandates teaching about the achievements of gays in the public schools. Whether this will do anything to stop either verbal or physical abuse of gay kids is very doubtful. But it will advance the agenda of homosexual organizations and can turn homosexuality into yet another of the subjects on which words on only one side are permitted.

There he goes again with that “gay agenda”. When is he going to learn that our only “agenda” is equality? And when I say equality, I mean outlawing the religious beliefs of hateful religions.

But he’s right about one thing. Teaching about the achievements of homosexuals in schools probably won’t have the effect of reducing bullying. We wouldn’t want that because we need our martyrs. It’s about sending the message that homosexuality is good.

And yes, we do want words on only one side to be permitted. OUR SIDE. That’s the American way. If you disagree with me, that’s like saying that slavery should be permitted. Opposition to homosexuality is kind of like slavery. That’s the catch-all excuse I use, anyway. You can borrow that if you’d like. What I mean to say is that this issue is beyond discussion. Opposing viewpoints are not allowed. If you attempt to voice them, we will discipline you.

And to think that Sowell and his band of wailing hysterical conservatives think that we want CENSORSHIP! Isn’t that ridiculous? We don’t want censorship. We just want to make your beliefs unspeakable under penalty of law, that’s all.

Michele and Marcus Bachmann are homophobic. I am ex-homophobic.

The gay-hating Bachmann duo is at it again. ABC World News Tonight led off Monday’s broadcast with a piece on Congresswoman Michele Bachmann and her husband Dr. Marcus Bachmann, who appear to be involved in some kind of reparative therapy “pray away the gay” scheme at their counseling and treatment clinic in Lake Elmo, Minnesota. Yes, this was the most important news story in the entire world this past Monday. That’s why ABC World News Tonight led off with it. Not a damned thing more important, anywhere in the world.

Marcus and Michele Bachmann, known homophobes. She's the darling of the teabagger movement, he's a shrink who "cures" homosexuality. I'd bet he's a repressed homosexual himself. Perhaps wishful thinking on my part, but there's a good possibility. Anti-gay males tend to be gay males. Sounds stupid, but it's true. Actually, it's just a comeback I heard once in high school and I've repeated it a zillion times ever since.

Here’s what happened: Andrew Ramirez was “sent” to the Bachmann clinic in 2004 after coming out to his parents. The article doesn’t make it clear whether his parents were forcing him, just that he was “sent”. Ramirez describes the gut-wrenching experience:

From the outset, Ramirez says, his therapist—one of roughly twenty employed at the Lake Elmo clinic—made it clear that renouncing his sexual orientation was the only moral choice. “He basically said being gay was not an acceptable lifestyle in God’s eyes,” Ramirez recalls. According to Ramirez, his therapist then set about trying to “cure” him. Among other things, he urged Ramirez to pray and read the Bible, particularly verses that cast homosexuality as an abomination, and referred him to a local church for people who had given up the “gay lifestyle.” He even offered to set Ramirez up with an ex-lesbian mentor.

The horror! They urged him to PRAY and READ THE BIBLE! They also told him that homosexuality is immoral. I’m surprised the poor thing didn’t kill himself. I found myself on the suicide hotline just reading about it.

Okay, so the truth is that ex-gays scare the crap out of me, and that’s why I have to tear them down. If you’ve heard of homophobes, then you can just call me an ex-homophobe. That doesn’t mean that I used to be homophobic and now I’m not. It means that I hate ex-homosexuals. I think they should be shamed into returning to our side of the rainbow. In this sense, we’re kind of like a cult. Once you’re in, you can NEVER leave.

The Bachmann clinic received a visit at a later date from perpetually aggrieved homosexual activist John Becker of the group Truth Wins Out. Becker smuggled a camera into the clinic to record the goings-on, posing as a gay man in search of a cure to his homosexual affliction. Becker describes his experience at Truth Wins Out:

…I was advised to find a heterosexual “accountability buddy” as I struggled to increase my attraction to women and decrease my attraction to men. I was to confide in, pray with, and be held accountable to this person. Bachmann & Associates sells a book written by Twin Cities minister and self-proclaimed “ex-lesbian” Janet Boynes. This book chronicles her supposed journey “out of the lesbian lifestyle.” Next to the stack of books was a prominently-displayed, typewritten note that read, “Janet is a friend. I recommend this book as she speaks to the heart of the matter and gives practical insights of truth to set people free. – Marcus Bachmann, PhD.”

I like Truth Wins Out because they belittle ex-gays and accuse of them of secretly continuing their homosexuality on the down low. They put derisive quotations marks around “ex-gay” and “ex-lesbian”. They do not allow people to define their own sexuality, but rather assign them labels which they do not accept. For example, they refer to author Janet Boynes as “self-proclaimed” “ex-lesbian” Janet Boynes. See, so she’s not really an ex-lesbian. She’s just telling people that. We’ll decide for her whether she’s a lesbian or not. Don’t let her fool you with her self-proclamations. She’s still muff-diving on the side, we’re sure of it. She may tell you that she’s completed a journey out of the “lesbian lifestyle”, but don’t believe it. It’s a “supposed journey”, not a journey.

Boynes has her own website, by the way. And it’s not girl-on-girl porn. Read this crap and tell me if you don’t think she’s batshit crazy:

http://janetboynesministries.com/

Janet Boynes, so-called "ex-lesbian" who will help you understand your sexuality via her supposed "journey" out of lesbianism. And in case you haven't noticed, she's black. One of the churchy blacks. My loyal readers know what I think about them. If they care so much about traditional values, maybe they'd like to be enslaved again. Hmmm? Try that one on for size Bishop Jackson, Star Parker, and Alan Keyes.

Before you go seeking therapy from the Bachmann clinic or similar reparative therapy outlets, be forewarned that a number of ex-gays have relapsed. These failed attempts to change sexual behavior prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that homosexuality is immutable. So don’t even try. Really. Similarly, you shouldn’t try to quit smoking because you’ll probably fail just like everyone else. Without drugs or other types of help, the success rate of any given attempt to quit is about four to seven percent. So most smokers relapse. Diets are even worse. Ninety-five percent of dieters who lose a significant amount of weight will gain it all back and then some within three years. Alcoholics and prescription painkiller addicts have an even lower success rates. Change is hopeless. You are who you are.

Some people are just hard headed in this regard. Just the other day, an old friend called me from San Francisco, telling me that he was finally planning on getting clean. He was going to quit drinking, popping pills, and smoking cigarettes. And I advised him to stop wasting his time because the chances of his success are much, much lower than the chances that he’ll be able to give up butt sex. Because some have failed in the past, NO ONE should try. He took my advice and decided to continue killing himself with drugs and sodomy.

This whole concept of “curing” gays is pseudo-scientific at its root. If you want sound science, stick with us homos and our fleeting “gay gene”. Look, homosexuality is genetic in nature. You’re either born that way or you aren’t. Scientists have been searching for this gay gene since before I was born but they haven’t found it yet. So what? I take it on faith and so should you. Just believe the theory and let the scientists find the supporting evidence in the meantime. This could take years, so be patient and bear with us. Let’s put it this way–we’ll find that gene before your silly “Messiah” comes back.

That’s how science works, right guys? Come up with the theory first and search for the evidence later? That’s how I learned the scientific method when I was in school. Either you agree with me or you hate science. It’s that simple. Don’t let me find out that any of you are science haters!

Homosexuality MUST be an inborn trait. It’s the cornerstone of my belief system and I cannot accept any idea that contradicts it. It is my dogma, my unshakeable belief. Otherwise I would have to accept that I am in control of my own penis, which sounds like personal responsibility. There’s nothing I hate more than personal responsibility.

So let’s get one thing straight. (Woops, did I say straight?) I do not choose who I sleep with. Sexual intercourse is not a volitional act. My penis has a mind of its own. I do not control it, it controls me. Just the other day I woke up next to a drag queen named Wilma Ballsdrop in a seedy motel room near the beach. I have no idea how I got there or who put those cigarette burns on my doughy asscheeks. I don’t even know if I enjoyed it.  As I was leaving, I noticed this mysterious photo of me and the drag queen stored in my cell phone:

I really don't know where this picture was taken but it looks like we were having a great time together. I know who the person on the right is. That's me. The tranny on the left is a mystery. I just know s/he goes by the name Wilma Ballsdrop. That whole night is a blur. May our paths cross again.

So please don’t tell me that I “choose” to be gay. We know that no one chooses to be gay. To say that a person chooses homosexuality is like saying that a person chooses to be shunned, hated, and rejected by society. That’s right, despite the overwhelming support of corporate America, the news media, the entertainment industry, the public schools, academia, some of the churches, the federal government, the state governments, the cultural elite and the fabulously rich, I am still trying to peddle the ridiculous canard that society stigmatizes homosexuality. Even though all of the aforementioned institutions are engaged in a full court press in support of our advocacy efforts, I’m still going to be a little bitch and tell everyone how oppressed I am as a gay man.

Just the other day, a guy was fired from Cisco Systems for writing a book in support of marriage equality! Oh wait, that didn’t happen.

Someone ought to pass the message along to Congresswoman and Dr. Bachmann: You cannot pray away the gay! God put those instincts in me because he wants me to act on them. If it says otherwise in that silly book of yours, then just do what my LGBTQXYZ  friends do and cross it out with a black marker. God wants his children to be happy and butt sex makes me very happy. Because sexual instincts are inborn, acting upon them becomes a right and even a duty. God wants all of us to do whatever our wee-wees and vajayjays tell us to do. Otherwise he wouldn’t have put the urge there in the first place. (For more on that, see previous post “Straight People Are Pretty Gross, but I Won’t Judge…”:  https://twogaybullies.wordpress.com/2011/06/22/straight-people-are-pretty-gross-but-i-wont-judge/ )

If other people have found that butt sex doesn’t make them happy, and voluntarily choose to seek help, they should be denied. I mean, normally I think the consenting adults should be allowed to do what they wish, at least as far as bedroom behavior goes. But if a consenting gay adult seeks help from a consenting therapist adult, I think it’s time for me to shove my nose into their business. If the consenting gay adult asks for help in resisting his gay urges, then someone has to take action to stop the consenting therapist adult from giving the homosexual the guidance he’s asked for. Especially if it involves prayer, which is something that gives me the heebeejeebies. Consensual or non-consensual, this type of “therapy” should not be allowed even if both parties agree to it.

I’m really worried that this therapy might prove to be successful, thus shaking the pillar of my homosexual faith–the myth of inborn homosexuality. And it might also cut down on the number of guys I can sleep with. The survival of the gay race–ha! ha!–depends on squelching this kind of therapy before it goes mainstream. 

Also, I think it’s about time we destroyed the bitch from Minnesota before she gets anywhere near the White House. Kudos to ABC News for getting the ball rolling on that.

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