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Known H8 group rolls out H8-ful video aimed at the H8er community

As progressive as we Bay Staters are, some vestiges of the “pro-family” movement do exist here in Massachusetts. Exhibit “A” is the group MassResistance. They’re hateful because they keep following us around and showing people what we’re really up to. They should stop doing that.

The Southern Poverty Law Center lists MassResistance as a hate group. That means that they’re bad. The logic goes something like this–the SPLC has spent years battling the KKK and similar white supremacist groups. These days they’ve fixed their sites on MassResistance. That means that MassResistance is the equivalent of the KKK. See how that argumentation works?

I can’t believe that a known hate group like MassResistance is allowed to exist in my state. Once the SPLC declares it a hate group, we should be able to outlaw their existence. Right?

It just makes me so upset. Maybe if I threatened to kill myself, the government would take some action against them. I’ve noticed that every time gay people don’t get their way, they threaten to blow their brains out. It’s been shown to be highly effective.  Other people’s free speech rights are trumped by our emotional outbursts of self-loathing. I’m very delicate, and I might commit suicide at any moment. It’s easier to police the thoughts of everyone else than for me to just get some damned counseling. After all, if I got counseling, that might suggest that I’m batshit crazy, which I’m not. I’m just an emotional basketcase with same-sex attraction disorder. Many years ago, they used to call people like me “sick”–but those were the dark ages. Now we’re totally normal. The sick people are on the other side.

MassResistance has teamed up with another hate group, the Family Research Council, to make a short film on the “gay agenda”. Ha! Ha! As if we have some kind of agenda. Our only agenda is equality. And we have to brainwash your kids in order to do that.

I wouldn’t want to promote their film, but I’ll post here. I’d like to address some of the points that they make in the film.

The film features known hompophobe Brian Camenker, head of MassResistance. In case you were wondering, he’s one of those Jews we hate so much. Not that I have a problem with Jews, just as long as they don’t practice Judaism, which Camenker does. It’s okay to be Jewish, just so long as you submit a written proposal to me concerning your religious beliefs. I’ll decide what you may believe and what you may not. If I find your beliefs to be hateful, that means that I can hate your religion and it’s not really a form of bigotry.

Camenker starts in with the “Little Black Book” controversy, which is like, so old. In case you didn’t know, The Little Black Book was a homosexual safe sex publication paid for with taxpayer dollars. I keep a stack of them in my office at the high school here. Its full title is “Little Black Book V 2.0 Queer in the 21st Century”.

As you can see, it’s rather mild. It’s just telling gay teenagers to hang in there and not to hate themselves.


Well, not really. It does offers advice on: “Fuckin'”, “Suckin'”, “Rimming? (Lickin’ Butt)”, “Water Sports (piss play)” as well as “Fisting”. I get upset whenever anyone suggests that gay men like to lick each others’ assholes. That’s so untrue. But just in case that’s your thing, here’s a little advice on how to do it, and how to do it safely. See? We’re not perverts, we just want to make sure no one gets hurt while eating another guy’s butthole. Any one who thinks that the best way to avoid the risks of butt-hole licking is to avoid the practice entirely is just out of touch and in denial about the realities of human sexuality.

I have to take issue with the section on fisting, however.

“What makes fisting risky when it comes to diseases is that the blood vessels in the rectum are close to the surface which means damage can occur easily and go unnoticed. Avoid too much alcohol or drugs when you fist or get fisted…Trauma can increase the risk of HIV when you get fucked, so you might want to do your fucking before fisting. Use lots of lubes, condoms, and latex gloves.”

The reason I object to it is because it points out that shoving objects up your ass tends to break blood vessels. It almost makes it sound as if sodomy is dangerous and unhealthy. I don’t want to hear stuff like that because I rather enjoy having objects shoved in my rectum. It’s not an essential body part needed for removing waste, it’s my personal play toy. I stick all sorts of things up there and I don’t want to hear about “trauma”.  Then again, that goes a long way in explaining why I have bruising and bleeding around my asshole.

I also object to another part of the pamphlet that says that it’s “a great time” to be gay.

Excuse me? Somebody better tell the writer of this pamphlet to get back on script. We’re enjoying “more visibility and acceptance”? I don’t think so. I mean, we’re actually overrepresented on TV and no one is allowed to say a disparaging word about us, but so what? We’re still an oppressed minority. It’s never “a great time to be gay” because society shuns us. We are hated for our love! There are still a few people left in society who don’t trip over themselves to tell us how great it is that we sleep with people of the same sex. And that means that millions of gay kids are at risk. Some of them might kill themselves. So STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT IT’S A GREAT TIME TO BE GAY, otherwise people might stop feeling sorry for us. And then how would be get special treatment?

Okay, but other than those two minor peccadilloes, I think the pamphlet is great. And yes, we were handing it out to high school students. Heck, it was targeted to high school students. Why do you think we mentioned that Boston has “lots of services for queer youths”?

But here’s the thing…no one was supposed to find out that we were handing these out to their children! But MassResistance had to go poking its nose in our business. They found out we were bringing our homosexual promotional tour to Brookline High School and they crashed the event, undercover. They like to do that. They don’t reveal themselves as the homophobes that they are because then we might not reveal ourselves as the perverts that we are.

So we lied about it. In the video, Camenker explains GLSEN’s reaction to the Little Black Book.

“Immediately, they [GLSEN] put out a press release saying that we [MassResistance] had planted the book there. Then in about a day later, they said ‘No, we [MassResistance] didn’t really plant the book. It really was there, but there were only a few copies there.’ And then they finally admitted, ‘yeah there were a bunch of copies there’. But they were going to try to make sure that they were not there again. We’ve since seen this at other events.”

Ugh! Well, yeah…I mean, when we got caught, we tried to explain it away. Our final rationale was that the books were there by accident! That’s the memo that I got. Yes, those books were never intended for youths, despite the fact that it’s written right in it that Boston has great services for “queer youth”. When we said “queer youth”, we meant queer adults. And somehow these books, which were meant for adults, ended up in the hands of GLSEN, a youth-oriented homosexual organization. And then, if that were happenstance enough, the aforementioned organization accidentally distributed taxpayer funded, adult-themed materials at a youth event! It could have happened to anybody.

Brian Camenker, homophobe and head of MassResistance. His organization has a habit of following us around and exposing to the world the things that we do. And because we're embarassed by our activities, we don't want him to do that.

Camenker goes on to explain about his fight in the Massachusetts legislature concerning schools:

“And it’s always a battle. The homosexual activists do not want parents knowing what goes on. They do not want parents opting out their kids. They’ve testified on several occasions that parents being able to opt out their kids, they consider dangerous and intolerant.”   

And it is! Parents have no right to decide how their children are educated. They don’t even have a right to know what’s being taught, much less to object to the lessons and have their children removed. Because if they had that right, we might not be able to indoctrinate their children.

We will decide what everyone else’s children learn. And trust me, it won’t be reading, writing, history, civics, or science. Heaven knows that the public schools fail miserably to teach any of those subjects, as test results have confirmed. Nope, we’re in there to teach kids about “lickin’ butt” and where to find all the best gay bars in Beantown. For some reason, we do a great job of educating kids on that subject. Kids graduating from high school today may not be able to read their diplomas, but at least they know how to put on a condom!

Brian Camenker just doesn’t get it. I bet he’s secretly gay. Everyone knows that homophobes are themselves repressed homosexuals. Only a black-hearted, evil, hateful man could object to the materials we distribute. I mean seriously, what’s wrong with a little instruction on piss play? Why shouldn’t students be taught how to avoid “getting dookie on your noodle”? Is Brian Camenker pro-dookie on the noodle?

Anyway, I thought I’d share this dangerous H8 filled propaganda video with my audience. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to call the suicide hotline.

Colonel Gadhafi a member of our community?

In breaking news out of Libya, it appears that the dictator Muammar Gadhafi (Qaddafi, Gaddafi, Kadafi, Qadhafi) has slipped into hiding. As his government crumbles, rebels have seized the seaside palace of one of Gadhafi’s sons and uncovered a world of dazzling wealth.

Libyan rebel poses in Gadhafi's compound with a couch in the shape of a golden mermaid. With the demise of Gadhafi's last stronghold, the dictator has officially been eliminated.

The rebels were shocked at the opulence of the compound. In a nation racked with poverty, the Gadhafi family lived high on the hog. One rebel snorted,

“Libyan children have no childhood, their lives are destroyed by Gaddafi. But his children, his family, have everything.”

Rebels uncovered a Lamborghini, an indoor swimming pool, a full amusement park, a zoo, and..gay porn?


Yes, that’s right. A hot, boy-on-boy DVD entitled Boyz Tracks was found on the property. I immediately dashed to my porn library to see if I owned that one. As a matter of fact, I do. There on the third shelf, fourteenth from the left, on the third page of volume F, was my very own copy of Boyz Tracks. Haven’t watched it in a while, but there it was. As I handled the disc lovingly, I recalled the moments that I had shared with this particular DVD. Boyz Tracks was an instant classic.

So what does it all mean? Can we conclude from the evidence that the good colonel is himself a cum-guzzler? If he is, I say welcome to the community. As a vicious tyrant and all-around opponent of free speech and free exercise of religion, Gadhafi will fit right in. These two gay bullies can hardly find fault with Gadhafi, if he in fact turns out to be a gay bully as well.

Let’s look at the evidence, both for and against.

Evidence that Gadhafi is a homo

1) The wardrobe. One the one hand, his fashion sense is terrible. It borders on criminality. I wouldn’t be caught dead in some of the outfits that he wears. But on the other hand, it’s certainly flamboyant. Who does he think he is–Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile? When I see the man strutting around in outfits like this, I can’t help but think of a wrinkled, old Liberace.

Gadhafi (left) and Liberace (right). The resemblance is eerie.

2) The creepy obsession with children. An amusement park and a zoo? Seriously, dude? Is that to entertain other despots like Hugo Chavez and Jim Jong-Il? Of course not. It’s for the kiddies. Just think of Michael Jackson and his Neverland theme park. And as we all know, homosexuals have a bizarre obsession with kids, which might explain why we feel compelled to get right down into the elementary schools to push our agenda, or why we need to have “gay days” at Walt Disney World or “Out in the Park” at Six Flags. It’s why we’ve set our hearts on infiltrating the Boys Scouts and why we get so pissed off that they won’t let us join. In many ways, we are emotionally and cognitively retarded, stuck in the anal stage of development. It goes a long way to explain why we exhibit about as much maturity as the average fourth grader.

3) The Amazonian guard. Gadhafi’s most trusted bodyguards are all women. Now, if I were to choose a group of people to protect me, I’d pick a group of strapping young lads–young, fit, and preferably smoking hot Latino guys. If you remember the boys from Menudo, that’s pretty much what my security detail would like. Except they’d have guns. If you look at it from that angle, this piece of evidence seems to support the theory that Gadhafi is a hetero. While it may seem odd that a gay man would choose a group of women to defend him, consider this–the women are all virgins. That means that Gadhafi himself hasn’t laid a finger on them, which strikes me as very odd. If he were using these women as his personal harem, I would say that’s about par for the course. Dictators have had harems since the beginning of time. But for a powerful man to surround himself with young women 24/7 and never partake? That’s weird. I’m thinkin’ he likes the cock.

Flamboyant Gadhafi surrounded by his entirely female security detail. A straight man would have brought a few of these girls to bed with him. If they're truly virgins, as he says they are, then I'm going to have to question his sexual orientation. Hideous wardrobe, by the way.

Evidence that Gadhafi is not a homo

1) The weird Condeleezza Rice photo album. Among Gadhafi’s belongings was found an album filled with pictures of the former Secretary of State and National Security adviser. Gadhafi’s obsession with the her borders on the pathological. Last time I checked, Condoleezza Rice is a woman. So it appears that his crush is heterosexual in nature. Weird.

Rebels found this album at Gadhafi's crib. It's filled with nothing buy Condi Rice pictures.

The depths of the dictator’s fascination were not known until recently, although clues existed. Gadhafi once commented:

“I support my darling black African woman. I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders. … Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much. I admire her, and I’m proud of her, because she’s a black woman of African origin.”

Still, the Condeleezza obsession could just be a cover. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell used to have that thing about Tom Cruise? We all know she didn’t really have the hots for Cruise. It’s just that her audience thought her crush on a man was a lot cuter than her being an angry bull dyke. It’s possible that Gadhafi is infatuated with Dr. Rice in a “gay icon” sort of way–kind of like  I am with Cher and Judy Garland.

Despite the strong circumstancial evidence that Papa Gadhafi is the owner of Boyz Track, I think it’s more likely that it belongs to his son, al-Saadi. It was, after all, found at his villa. Also, a 2009 State Department cable–released as part of the Wikileaks document dump–describes al-Saadi Gadhafi as a bit of a wild child. He has had run-ins with European police, as well as drug and alcohol abuse and excessive partying. That sounds like most gay men I know.

Heck, al-Saadi might want to check to see if Bawney Fwank is available. Al-Saadi is definitely Fwank’s type. See previous post:


Of course, there’s no reason why both Gadhafi the elder and Gadhafi the son couldn’t both be queer. Perhaps they watched the movie together. It’s called a circle jerk. Don’t pretend you haven’t done it.

My feelings about a gay Muammar Gadhafi are mixed. I certainly don’t find the aging man attractive. But on the other hand, he is rich and powerful, which really turns me on. I’d be lying if I told you that I’ve never acted as some older man’s boytoy just to enjoy the benefits of his riches. I could get hip to Gadhafi if the price was right.

Until he surfaces, I guess we’ll never know.

UPDATE: A friend of al-Saadi Gadhafi is now claiming that he was thrown in jail for refusing al-Saadi’s gay advances.

Saadi is gay. He tried to have sex with me but I refused. I only like girls. So he threw me in military jail.”

According to the UK Daily Mirror, the compound in question has “three cell-like rooms and a caged ­building where Saadi is said to have set dogs on people who displeased him.” Oh yeah. This guy’s a sick fuck. I’d bet he’s got all sorts of sexual issues.

I think the mystery has been solved. The DVD most likely belonged to Gadhafi junior. It does not, however, preclude the possibility that they’re both big fans of sodomy.

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