With the full repeal of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, open homosexuality is now permitted in the military. And just as I had predicted, nothing has really changed.
Nothing, that is, except for the fact that homosexual servicemen can now do gay porn shoots while wearing the uniform, albeit, in a slightly disheveled, half-off fashion! Being the military gay porn enthusiast that I am, I applaud this most recent development. The more strapping young military lads we have committing sodomy on film, in uniform, for my perverse entertainment, the better! Keep it coming.
Meet Marine Sergeant Matthew W. Simmons, member of the Marine Corps band and part time (gay) porn star. Porn name: Christian Jade. His exploits in the adult film industry recently landed him in hot water due to the fact that he was a) engaging in sodomy with other men, b) wearing his uniform while engaging in sodomy with other men, and c) discussing in behind the scenes footage that he is a Marine.
When the story first broke, I thought he looked kind of familiar. I checked my gay porn collection and discovered that I own this particular DVD. It’s right there in the “Military Dudes” category, subcategory: USMC. I give it a “B”, maybe a “B+”. I’ve seen better.
Sergeant Simmons plays the baritone horn in Marine Corps band. In his off-time he plays the skin flute, ha ha!
According to the Marine Corps Times, Sergeant Simmons pleaded guilty to charges of misusing the uniform. Despite his guilty plea, the court threw the case out because he never wore the whole uniform while on camera.
“We are also not satisfied, on the basis of this record, that the appellant’s statements or wear of uniform items may create an inference of service endorsement of the activities depicted. The appellant never wore a complete ‘uniform,‘ so the general public could never receive ’visual evidence of the authority and responsibility vested in the individual by the United States Government.’ He did not voice any Marine support for what he was doing or any service views on the propriety or impropriety of his conduct.
This is wonderful news! I mean, I’d hate for the poor lad to have to face some repercussions for doing gay porn while using his uniform. So, I agree with the court on this one. They stretched and bent themselves into a pretzel trying to find a justification, and I think it’s a pretty good one.
You see, Simmons never wore the whole uniform while on camera. In some scenes he’s wearing the pants, in others, his PT top, in still others, he’s wearing his dress blue coat with rank insignia and medals. But in no scene is he ever wearing a full uniform! See, so it’s okay. Ha! Yeah, I know what you’re thinking–pornography is not usually something that one does fully clothed. And I thought the same thing. But any port in a storm, right? If the judge came up with this wacky justification to let him off, I’ll take it.
And even though he said on camera that he was a Marine, that didn’t imply an endorsement by the Marine Corps. Also, even though he received ten grand for doing the sodomy film, he was not convicted of using his uniform for commercial gain. Because it was only half a uniform. And ten thousand bucks isn’t really a commercial gain.
Gee…I wish someone would give me ten thousand bucks to bang some hot military studs.
Now, just two weeks after DADT dies an ignominious death, new justifications for previously prohibited behaviors are being invented out of thin air. Sergeant Simmons is not the first active duty military member to do pornography. He is not the first active duty military member to do it in uniform–oops, I mean, half a uniform. And he’s not the first one to get caught.
But he is the first one to be let off with such a ridiculous justification. The old “half a uniform” loophole didn’t exist until the Simmons case created it. It’s almost as if the military is now treating homosexuals with kiddie gloves. No, that can’t be it. That’s just ridiculous. They don’t do that with women, for example. Chicks just have to suck it up and be treated just like the men. Other than the lower physical standards and the affirmative action and the general special treatment they receive. I mean, other than that, everyone in the military is treated the same.Nobody gets a free pass and nobody is above the law.
Nobody but Matthew Simmons that is! Ha! Ha!
Ever heard of this Air Force chick named Michelle Manhart? She was a drill sergeant at Lackland AFB in Texas when she posed nude for the February 2007 issue of Playboy wearing her uniform. Er, I mean half of her uniform. Interestingly, no one thought that half a uniform wasn’t really a uniform back when she did it. But that was because she’s a girl, and girls are just icky.
Manhart was immediately relieved of her duties pending an investigation. She was eventually demoted from staff sergeant to senior airman, and later took an out from the military. The former drill sergeant now has a gig at a Canadian news service where she is known as “the naked reporter”.
Now, don’t get me wrong. If anyone had suggested even last month that the demise of the military’s discriminatory policy would have led to a lowering of standards, I would have called them a liar. If anyone had said that queer troops would be allowed to do things that straight troops had been disciplined for in the past, I would have said that nothing will change with the end of DADT and that all the same rules will apply. If anyone had said that homosexuals would represent a new victim class that can get away with things that are clearly prohibited–such as using the uniform for financial gain, disgracing the uniform for the purpose of making smut–I would have gotten all upset and indignant.
That won’t happen! Because the military has rules against that stuff! You’re just a bigot who’s making shit up to keep patriotic gays from serving their country! You’re a haaaaaaaaater!
I’d then I probably would have thrown glitter all over the place and stormed off like a bitch.
It’s kind of a pattern with faggots like me. Whenever anyone correctly discerns the future consequences of gains in the realm of gay rights, I get all pissy and indignant. If someone says that ‘X’ will lead to ‘Y’, I say it won’t happen. And then when ‘X’ really does lead to ‘Y’, I shrug it off. So?
The truth is that I’m quite happy that Sergeant Simmons got off. He received special treatment and that’s fine by me. I WANT SPECIAL TREATMENT. That’s why I’m constantly comparing myself to black people. We’ve lowered standards for black people, why can’t we lower standards for guys who take it in the ass? We’ve made excuses for their poor behavior, why can’t we make excuses for our poor behavior? We now censor people who have politically incorrect things to say about race, why can’t we censor people who have politically incorrect things to say about buttfucking? I want all the same protections that black people receive. Because we’ve had it just as bad as they have.
Lo and behold, we’re getting it! Just days after the end of DADT and the special treatment is already arriving with all deliberate speed. Oh, I can’t wait for the gay “firsts”. The first gay fighter pilot, the first gay admiral–a rear admiral no doubt, the first gay chief of staff, the first gay Navy Seal. Most of these will be mandated by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and the rest of Congress, but we’ll just pretend that these people earned it.
I love the new Obama military.