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Posts tagged ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’

DADT is dead! Let the special rights fall like rain.

With the full repeal of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, open homosexuality is now permitted in the military. And just as I had predicted, nothing has really changed.

Nothing, that is, except for the fact that homosexual servicemen can now do gay porn shoots while wearing the uniform, albeit, in a slightly disheveled, half-off fashion! Being the military gay porn enthusiast that I am, I applaud this most recent development. The more strapping young military lads we have committing sodomy on film, in uniform, for my perverse entertainment, the better! Keep it coming.

Meet Marine Sergeant Matthew W. Simmons, member of the Marine Corps band and part time (gay) porn star. Porn name: Christian Jade. His exploits in the adult film industry recently landed him in hot water due to the fact that he was a) engaging in sodomy with other men, b) wearing his uniform while engaging in sodomy with other men, and c) discussing in behind the scenes footage that he is a Marine.

Sergeant Matthew W. Simmons, aka "Christian Jade". Nothing I love more than a beefcake Marine doing fag porn. So glad the Marines are okay with this sort of thing now.

When the story first broke, I thought he looked kind of familiar.  I checked my gay porn collection and discovered that I own this particular DVD. It’s right there in the “Military Dudes” category, subcategory: USMC. I give it a “B”, maybe a “B+”.  I’ve seen better.

Sergeant Simmons plays the baritone horn in Marine Corps band. In his off-time he plays the skin flute, ha ha!

According to the Marine Corps Times, Sergeant Simmons pleaded guilty to charges of misusing the uniform. Despite his guilty plea, the court threw the case out because he never wore the whole uniform while on camera.

“We are also not satisfied, on the basis of this record, that the appellant’s statements or wear of uniform items may create an inference of service endorsement of the activities depicted. The appellant never wore a complete ‘uniform,‘ so the general public could never receive ’visual evidence of the authority and responsibility vested in the individual by the United States Government.’ He did not voice any Marine support for what he was doing or any service views on the propriety or impropriety of his conduct.

This is wonderful news! I mean, I’d hate for the poor lad to have to face some repercussions for doing gay porn while using his uniform. So, I agree with the court on this one. They stretched and bent themselves into a pretzel trying to find a justification, and I think it’s a pretty good one.

You see, Simmons never wore the whole uniform while on camera. In some scenes he’s wearing the pants, in others, his PT top, in still others, he’s wearing his dress blue coat with rank insignia and medals. But in no scene is he ever wearing a full uniform! See, so it’s okay. Ha! Yeah, I know what you’re thinking–pornography is not usually something that one does fully clothed. And I thought the same thing. But any port in a storm, right? If the judge came up with this wacky justification to let him off, I’ll take it.

And even though he said on camera that he was a Marine, that didn’t imply an endorsement by the Marine Corps. Also, even though he received ten grand for doing the sodomy film, he was not convicted of using his uniform for commercial gain. Because it was only half a uniform. And ten thousand bucks isn’t really a commercial gain.

Gee…I wish someone would give me ten thousand bucks to bang some hot military studs.

Now, just two weeks after DADT dies an ignominious death, new justifications for previously prohibited behaviors are being invented out of thin air. Sergeant Simmons is not the first active duty military member to do pornography. He is not the first active duty military member to do it in uniform–oops, I mean, half a uniform. And he’s not the first one to get caught.

But he is the first one to be let off with such a ridiculous justification. The old “half a uniform” loophole didn’t exist until the Simmons case created it. It’s almost as if the military is now treating homosexuals with kiddie gloves. No, that can’t be it. That’s just ridiculous. They don’t do that with women, for example. Chicks just have to suck it up and be treated just like the men. Other than the lower physical standards and the affirmative action and the general special treatment they receive. I mean, other than that, everyone in the military is treated the same.Nobody gets a free pass and nobody is above the law.

Nobody but Matthew Simmons that is! Ha! Ha!

Ever heard of this Air Force chick named Michelle Manhart? She was a drill sergeant at Lackland AFB in Texas when she posed nude for the February 2007 issue of Playboy wearing her uniform. Er, I mean half of her uniform. Interestingly, no one thought that half a uniform wasn’t really a uniform back when she did it. But that was because she’s a girl, and girls are just icky.

Michelle Manhart loves posing in her uniform. I mean, half a uniform.

Manhart was immediately relieved of her duties pending an investigation. She was eventually demoted from staff sergeant to senior airman, and later took an out from the military. The former drill sergeant now has a gig at a Canadian news service where she is known as “the naked reporter”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If anyone had suggested even last month that the demise of the military’s discriminatory policy would have led to a lowering of standards, I would have called them a liar. If anyone had said that queer troops would be allowed to do things that straight troops had been disciplined for in the past, I would have said that nothing will change with the end of DADT and that all the same rules will apply. If anyone had said that homosexuals would represent a new victim class that can get away with things that are clearly prohibited–such as using the uniform for financial gain, disgracing the uniform for the purpose of making smut–I would have gotten all upset and indignant.

That won’t happen! Because the military has rules against that stuff! You’re just a bigot who’s making shit up to keep patriotic gays from serving their country! You’re a haaaaaaaaater!

I’d then I probably would have thrown glitter all over the place and stormed off like a bitch.

It’s kind of a pattern with faggots like me. Whenever anyone correctly discerns the future consequences of gains in the realm of gay rights, I get all pissy and indignant. If someone says that ‘X’ will lead to ‘Y’, I say it won’t happen. And then when ‘X’ really does lead to ‘Y’, I shrug it off. So?

The truth is that I’m quite happy that Sergeant Simmons got off. He received special treatment and that’s fine by me. I WANT SPECIAL TREATMENT. That’s why I’m constantly comparing myself to black people. We’ve lowered standards for black people, why can’t we lower standards for guys who take it in the ass? We’ve made excuses for their poor behavior, why can’t we make excuses for our poor behavior? We now censor people who have politically incorrect things to say about race, why can’t we censor people who have politically incorrect things to say about buttfucking? I want all the same protections that black people receive. Because we’ve had it just as bad as they have.

Lo and behold, we’re getting it! Just days after the end of DADT and the special treatment is already arriving with all deliberate speed. Oh, I can’t wait for the gay “firsts”. The first gay fighter pilot, the first gay admiral–a rear admiral no doubt, the first gay chief of staff, the first gay Navy Seal. Most of these will be mandated by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and the rest of Congress, but we’ll just pretend that these people earned it.

I love the new Obama military.

Stay if You’d Like, Leave if You’d Like: A new policy for military gayness in the 21st Century

As the US military closes one of its darkest chapters, the era of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, millions of gay servicemembers breathe a sigh of relief that they will finally be able to gargle balls and tell everybody about it.

Serving in the military is a right, which means that no one may make rules governing the behavior of military members. Rules discriminate against those who break them. Not only is military service a right, but those who serve have a right to tell everyone what kind of sexual antics they are into. And no one has the right to vocally disapprove. This is not a restriction on anyone’s freedom because those who disapprove may continue to do so, in the privacy of their own minds. Consider it a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for soldiers of faith. Except the military might ask from time to time, and if it does, all servicemembers better say that they’re completely onboard with homosexuals in the ranks or they will be disciplined.

I’m glad the policy is being repealed. I’ve wanted to join the Navy ever since I heard about all of the  se(a)men. Back then, the submarine force was all men, which seemed like an attractive benefit of service. I’d like to go underwater with a bunch of dudes for weeks at a time. When I was younger I called a recruiter and he had me all signed up and ready to ship off to basic training. Then I had to go and shoot off my big mouth and I lost that opportunity. The recruiter wouldn’t let me join because I kept complimenting him on how his ass looked in that uniform.

Three gay airmen appear to want to get out of the Air Force right under the wire. Read it at the Stars and Stripes:

http://www.stripes.com/news/special-reports/don-t-ask-don-t-tell/three-gay-airmen-request-discharge-before-don-t-ask-don-t-tell-ends-1.147626

Dan Choi, posterboy for the repeal of DADT. He's really patriotic. He's so patriotic that he plans to go right back into the military as soon as the repeal is a fait accompli. Of course, he could have stayed in the entire time, but that would have required him to keep quiet about his sex life. So I guess his patriotism wasn't quite as important as talking about the boys he's been dating. But still, he's a pretty damned patriotic. He's not actually a lieutenant anymore, but he wears the uniform as if he were. That's probably a good thing since service members are prohibited from using their unifroms as props and thus may not wear them to political events.

DADT may find itself on the ash heap of history by the end of the summer, but these three homosexuals decided to make a break for it while they still can. They outed themselves and asked to be discharged.

I had to ask myself what I thought about this. On the one hand, I’m completely opposed to the discriminatory policy, but on the other hand I still think homosexuals should be able to enter and leave the service at their own whim and convenience. If military service ever gets in the way of what they feel like doing at the moment, I think they should be able to scoot. And if they feel like re-joining the next day, they should be able to do that as well. No one should be FORCED to serve, even those who raised their right hands and signed enlistment contracts. So if these particular gays want to be “discharged” (giggle, giggle) before they get shipped to Afghanistan or somewhere, then I’m fine with that.

In other news, Petty Officer 2nd Class Eric Morado recently avoided being discharged under DADT. The gay sailor (redundant, I know) was retained in the Navy after pictures of him making out with another dude were found on MySpace. A three judge panel chose to keep Morado even though the repeal of DADT has not yet been certified. The prosecution offered no witnesses.

And there you have it. Even though the policy of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is still in place, the military has decided that it will not enforce it. So, if a sailor wants to stay in the Navy, he can stay. Despite the fact that the policy is still in effect. On the other hand, if three airmen feel like going home, they can still do that. Because DADT is still in effect. Homos like me can use the policy to get out if we want, but if we’d rather not, then we can stay in and yammer on about our sexual delights to other people who don’t want to hear about it and we’ll be spared any punishment at all for violating the policy that’s still in place.

As far as I can tell, the only coherent policy we have now should be called “Stay if You’d Like, Leave if You’d Like.” And that’s a pretty good policy.

America's Navy: A Global Force for Good. Ha! So corny. Anyway, I'm starting to like this Obama military more and more. Did you hear that cigarettes are now prohibited on submarines? Yep, smoking cigarettes is out and smoking pole is in! Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

The three airmen who wanted to get out really threw me for a loop. I thought homosexual servicemembers were the most patriotic of all. And I thought they “just wanted to serve their country”. But these three DON’T want to serve their country and they’re getting out. I have to find a rationalization to explain this away.

I’d venture a guess that these three are perhaps not really and truly gay. It’s possible that they’re just trying to find a way out of their contracts. And I applaud them for that. People who skeeze out of their military duties are brave. I’m sure it’s because they’re opposed to all of these illegal, immoral wars that we’re in. Well, they stopped being illegal and immoral the moment BHO took office, but I can still understand why they wouldn’t want to go. Afghanistan sounds like a dangerous place.

Back while this debate was still hot, I used to argue that the policy should be abandoned because it cost us too many perfectly good soldiers. Over the course of about seventeen years, approximately 13,000 servicemembers got the boot just because they were peter-puffers. That’s actually an incredibly small percentage, but I made it sound like a big number for the purposes of argument. I remember once, while I was cruising around on military blogs, trying to pass myself off as a super gungho airborne ranger commando dude with a chest full of medals, I used that stastic on someone who supported the policy. He told me that the number thirteen thousand is probably all wrong. A large number of those thirteen thousand were probably heteros who just wanted to get the hell out of the military. They needed an excuse and they found one. If that excuse hadn’t been there, they would have found another.

I balked, of course. No one should question my statistic. Thirteen thousand soldiers got chaptered out and that means thirteen thousand of them were homos. They were ultra smart Arabic linguists in sensitive poitions doing great work for their country. They were the cream of the crop, all patriotic Americans.  None of them were lying heteros. But now that I need the plausible explanation, I think I’ll use it.

So those unpatriotic “gay” airmen who are being kicked out aren’t really gay. I know they’re not because gay people just want to serve their country, despite the fact that their country sucks and oppresses them for being different. So, if someone is trying to use DADT to get out now, then he must not really be queer. Don’t get me wrong–lying heteros should be allowed to skate as well. It would be really detrimental to our armed forces if people left en masse, which is why I’d really like to do just that. In fact, that was the whole point of repealing DADT!

I will leave you with one of my favorite military videos, a classic from 1979. It’s called “In the Navy” from The Village People.

“We want you! We want you! We want you as a new recruit!”

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