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Coming on the eve of the “Gala with the Gay Community” fundraiser in Manhattan, President Obama today says that his opinion of marriage equality is “evolving”. As in, he might just get with the program in the near future and tell everyone that he’s gay for marriage. Which I’m sure would help his fundraising efforts with rich fags in the Village and make this gay man very…gay?

Now, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really care that Obama opposes marriage equality. Everyone else who opposes it is an unforgivable bigot, a moral monster, but not Obama. Is it because he’s black? No. I hate black people who disagree with me too. I think they should be fired from their jobs. Is it because he’s a Democrat? Nope, that’s not it either. I also hate Democrats who disagree with me. They should all be fired as well. The reason I don’t mind Obama’s opposition to marriage equality is because everyone knows he’s being completely disingenuous!

That’s right, the whole thing is complete a fake-out! Obama loves the homos. He’d kiss our asses at high noon in Times  Square if it weren’t for the fact that he still needs to get re-elected.

And I can hardly condemn dishonesty in pursuit of a personal agenda. After all, I’ve lied about just about everything in order to push the gay agenda. I’ve told people that I’m a devout Christian, that I’m a veteran, that I got beat up last week just for being gay. In fact, years ago, I used to tell people that I “just wanted to be left alone”. Ha! Of course I didn’t spill the beans that I really wanted to be in the schools, teaching the next generation of kids things that their parents find abhorrent.  So I know what it means to keep mum about your true motivations so that you can push them quietly, under the radar.

Obama at the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). Obama opposes marriage equality, but he was glad to be warmly welcomed at the headquarters of an organization that worked overtime to strip the people of Massachusetts of their right to vote on this issue. Also, notice the shadow of TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States) on the right side. I've heard that he can't put together a coherent thought without that thing.

You’ve got to be an IDIOT to think that Obama isn’t one hundred percent in the tank for the gay agenda. But that’s just it–there are gobs and gobs of idiots in this country! Morons across the fruited plain. I’m talking about senior citizens who think he’s a “nice young man”, but would be horrified to discover that Obama thinks that the definition of marriage should be changed.I’m talking about churchy blacks who are thrilled to see a black man in the White House but still object to homosexuality. He still has to hoodwink these people one more time in 2012.

Let’s face it. Voters are stupid, and sometimes they need to be lied to. My butt-buddy Bawney Fwank (D-Massachusetts) agrees:

“My own view is that I look at President Obama’s record, he was probably inclined to think that same-sex marriage was legitimate, but as a candidate for president in 2008 that would have been an unwise thing to say. And I don’t mean that he’s being hypocritical. I mean that if you live in a democratic society, it is a mix of what you think the voters want and what you think is doable.”

You nailed it, Bawney! If the American people had known where Candidate Obama really stood on the issues, he never would have been elected president. So it’s important that he continue his fraudulent candidacy in 2012. Otherwise, we might end up with a Republican who’s openly opposed to our agenda, rather than an ally who has the good sense to push our agenda quietly. That’s not hypocrisy as the Congressman explained. Definitely not.

Typical American voter. Believe me, I went to the Midwest once and I saw people like this. All they know is that they like Jesus, Wal-mart and Toby Keith. Is it any wonder that Obama has to lie?

Back in 1996, when Obama was running for the State Senate of Illinois, he responded to a gay newspaper’s questionnaire, saying:

“I favor legalizing same-sex marriages and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages.”

Which is exactly what we thought, Mr. Obama. But he later explained that he was actually referring to civil unions, which he supports. See–when he said “marriage”, he didn’t mean “marriage”. He meant civil union. This can all get very complicated as you dig into it. Anyway, it was a great dodge.

Even more amazing is the fact that OBAMA DIDN’T EVEN FILL IT OUT! As  White House communications director Dan Pfeiffer explained, Obama outsourced that questionnaire to a staffer who just wrote whatever he wanted. But then later, White House spokesman Shin Inouye had to correct the record. As it turns out, Obama did fill it out.

“Dan was not familiar with the history of the questionnaire that was brought up today, but the president’s views are clear. He has long supported equal rights and benefits for gay and lesbian couples and since taking office he has signed into law the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,’ signed into law the hate crimes bill, made the decision not to defend Section 3 of DOMA and expanded federal benefits for same sex partners of federal employees. “

Yes, his views are crystal clear. Press Secretary Jay Carney explains:

“He’s been very clear about his position on gay marriage, he’s been very clear about how that position is evolving. I don’t have any new announcements to make, but I think you know his record, and he’s proud of it.”

See? His position is clear. His position is that his position is evolving. What’s unclear about that? He’s “grappling” with it. Each night as he goes to bed, he engages in mental jujitsu with the idea of two men sodomizing each other on their wedding night. As he drifts off to sleep, he asks himself if it’s 2013 yet so he can drop his sham opposition.

Again and again, I don’t blame him one bit. I understand that he has to use stealth and deception to get what he wants. Without it, he wouldn’t be the president of the United States, he’d just be some state senator from Chicago. No problemo. Stealth and deception are all fair game when you’re fighting for civil rights like we are.

John Kerry, for example, was against gay marriage when he ran for president in 2004. The moment the campaign was over, he decided that he was actually in favor of gay marriage. It’s almost as if he had to pretend to believe one thing in order to get elected. Let’s just say that Kerry was against it before he was for it.

So, I guess Obama will just have to keep saying a bunch of bullshit he doesn’t believe. As he said to the members of Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church:

“I believe that marriage is the union between a man and a woman. For me as a Christian, it is a sacred union. You know, God is in the mix.”

Pshhht! Yeah, that’s a good one, Barry. Everyone knows you don’t believe in God. Everyone except those rubes at Rick Warren’s gay-hating church, that is. Ha! Ha! Keep it up though. If I thought for a moment that you believed that ‘God is in the mix’, or that you’re actually a Christian, I would treat you like Carrie Prejean. I’d run up there on stage and grab that tiara off your bitchy little head, you hateful, hate-mongering, HATER!

Pastor Rick Warren of the Saddleback Church. I think he has blower's cramp in this picture, I 'm not sure. Normally, I would hate preachy Christofascists like this guy, but he welcomed Obama into his church so that Obama could lie to their faces. I think he should be proud of that. We need to fool people if we're ever going to get our way.

In the meantime, I hope Obama grapples just a little faster. It’s getting embarrassing trying to explain to my gay friends why it’s okay for Obama to define marriage according to his religion, but not for other people to do the same thing. Well, I’m sure after the election of 2012 he’ll be able to quit lying and just tell us what he really thinks. Give it time.

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Comments on: "Obama’s definition of marriage still evolving" (7)

  1. Very nice article. You do a nice job of thinking this through and I just hope you are correct: “The reason I don’t mind Obama’s opposition to marriage equality is because everyone knows he’s being completely disingenuous!” We will have to start cross posting. You have a nice blog here.

    • Thanks a lot! Check back often.

      By the way, you aren’t German, are you? I can speak German. I once dated a German guy from Hamburg.

    • Mr. Enemabag Jones said:

      Michael, you do realize the writer of this post is anti-gay, don’t you?

      • Hey, I’ve been in this struggle for equal rights since before you were born, sonny. I was tossing condoms all over St. Patrick’s Cathedral and lying about AIDS to anyone who would listen. I even marched in the San Fran pride marches BEFORE they expelled NAMBLA for being a huge embarrassment.

      • Mr. Enemabag Jones said:

        No Patrick, you were a bitter, selfish anti-gay bigot long before I was born. Maybe you’re still pissed that the government never permitted Americans to vote on Loving vs. Virginia, and you still harbour great hope that one day your state will allow you to vote down the equality of gay people.

        As far as the AIDS situation, I’m glad your real beliefs are shining through. You’re trying to pull a Colbert, but without his panache. Pretending to be gay to attack gays would work, if your vitriol, and bile didn’t spill forth. Every nasty thing you write has been written, and spoken before, by people with more wit, and intelligence than you.

        It’s very easy to take the absurd things some members of any particular group do, and blow them up and present them as representative of the entire group. What takes talent is satirizing that absurdity. You haven’t got that talent. So your posts come across as the ramblings of a bigot, without anyone willing to listen to his tirades. Thankfully the internet has given you the forum to share your ideas, and a large enough landscape to blend in, and become meaningless.

  2. My step-dad is German. My last name is actually a combination of my husband’s last name and my last name. As you can see our name has very few vowels. 🙂

  3. Mr. Enemabag Jones said:

    By the way, the part about NAMBLA? Very nostalgic! I haven’t heard that one since 1996.

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