Coming on the eve of the “Gala with the Gay Community” fundraiser in Manhattan, President Obama today says that his opinion of marriage equality is “evolving”. As in, he might just get with the program in the near future and tell everyone that he’s gay for marriage. Which I’m sure would help his fundraising efforts with rich fags in the Village and make this gay man very…gay?
Now, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really care that Obama opposes marriage equality. Everyone else who opposes it is an unforgivable bigot, a moral monster, but not Obama. Is it because he’s black? No. I hate black people who disagree with me too. I think they should be fired from their jobs. Is it because he’s a Democrat? Nope, that’s not it either. I also hate Democrats who disagree with me. They should all be fired as well. The reason I don’t mind Obama’s opposition to marriage equality is because everyone knows he’s being completely disingenuous!
That’s right, the whole thing is complete a fake-out! Obama loves the homos. He’d kiss our asses at high noon in Times Square if it weren’t for the fact that he still needs to get re-elected.
And I can hardly condemn dishonesty in pursuit of a personal agenda. After all, I’ve lied about just about everything in order to push the gay agenda. I’ve told people that I’m a devout Christian, that I’m a veteran, that I got beat up last week just for being gay. In fact, years ago, I used to tell people that I “just wanted to be left alone”. Ha! Of course I didn’t spill the beans that I really wanted to be in the schools, teaching the next generation of kids things that their parents find abhorrent. So I know what it means to keep mum about your true motivations so that you can push them quietly, under the radar.
You’ve got to be an IDIOT to think that Obama isn’t one hundred percent in the tank for the gay agenda. But that’s just it–there are gobs and gobs of idiots in this country! Morons across the fruited plain. I’m talking about senior citizens who think he’s a “nice young man”, but would be horrified to discover that Obama thinks that the definition of marriage should be changed.I’m talking about churchy blacks who are thrilled to see a black man in the White House but still object to homosexuality. He still has to hoodwink these people one more time in 2012.
Let’s face it. Voters are stupid, and sometimes they need to be lied to. My butt-buddy Bawney Fwank (D-Massachusetts) agrees:
“My own view is that I look at President Obama’s record, he was probably inclined to think that same-sex marriage was legitimate, but as a candidate for president in 2008 that would have been an unwise thing to say. And I don’t mean that he’s being hypocritical. I mean that if you live in a democratic society, it is a mix of what you think the voters want and what you think is doable.”
You nailed it, Bawney! If the American people had known where Candidate Obama really stood on the issues, he never would have been elected president. So it’s important that he continue his fraudulent candidacy in 2012. Otherwise, we might end up with a Republican who’s openly opposed to our agenda, rather than an ally who has the good sense to push our agenda quietly. That’s not hypocrisy as the Congressman explained. Definitely not.
Back in 1996, when Obama was running for the State Senate of Illinois, he responded to a gay newspaper’s questionnaire, saying:
“I favor legalizing same-sex marriages and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages.”
Which is exactly what we thought, Mr. Obama. But he later explained that he was actually referring to civil unions, which he supports. See–when he said “marriage”, he didn’t mean “marriage”. He meant civil union. This can all get very complicated as you dig into it. Anyway, it was a great dodge.
Even more amazing is the fact that OBAMA DIDN’T EVEN FILL IT OUT! As White House communications director Dan Pfeiffer explained, Obama outsourced that questionnaire to a staffer who just wrote whatever he wanted. But then later, White House spokesman Shin Inouye had to correct the record. As it turns out, Obama did fill it out.
“Dan was not familiar with the history of the questionnaire that was brought up today, but the president’s views are clear. He has long supported equal rights and benefits for gay and lesbian couples and since taking office he has signed into law the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,’ signed into law the hate crimes bill, made the decision not to defend Section 3 of DOMA and expanded federal benefits for same sex partners of federal employees. “
Yes, his views are crystal clear. Press Secretary Jay Carney explains:
“He’s been very clear about his position on gay marriage, he’s been very clear about how that position is evolving. I don’t have any new announcements to make, but I think you know his record, and he’s proud of it.”
See? His position is clear. His position is that his position is evolving. What’s unclear about that? He’s “grappling” with it. Each night as he goes to bed, he engages in mental jujitsu with the idea of two men sodomizing each other on their wedding night. As he drifts off to sleep, he asks himself if it’s 2013 yet so he can drop his sham opposition.
Again and again, I don’t blame him one bit. I understand that he has to use stealth and deception to get what he wants. Without it, he wouldn’t be the president of the United States, he’d just be some state senator from Chicago. No problemo. Stealth and deception are all fair game when you’re fighting for civil rights like we are.
John Kerry, for example, was against gay marriage when he ran for president in 2004. The moment the campaign was over, he decided that he was actually in favor of gay marriage. It’s almost as if he had to pretend to believe one thing in order to get elected. Let’s just say that Kerry was against it before he was for it.
So, I guess Obama will just have to keep saying a bunch of bullshit he doesn’t believe. As he said to the members of Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church:
“I believe that marriage is the union between a man and a woman. For me as a Christian, it is a sacred union. You know, God is in the mix.”
Pshhht! Yeah, that’s a good one, Barry. Everyone knows you don’t believe in God. Everyone except those rubes at Rick Warren’s gay-hating church, that is. Ha! Ha! Keep it up though. If I thought for a moment that you believed that ‘God is in the mix’, or that you’re actually a Christian, I would treat you like Carrie Prejean. I’d run up there on stage and grab that tiara off your bitchy little head, you hateful, hate-mongering, HATER!
In the meantime, I hope Obama grapples just a little faster. It’s getting embarrassing trying to explain to my gay friends why it’s okay for Obama to define marriage according to his religion, but not for other people to do the same thing. Well, I’m sure after the election of 2012 he’ll be able to quit lying and just tell us what he really thinks. Give it time.