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This time last month, I was on the edge of my seat watching CNN’s Don Lemon “coming out” before the whole world on the Joy Behar Show. I was moved to tears. Tears of joy, of course.

And then he had to go ruin it all by telling everyone that:

I don’t think just because I’m gay that it makes, it takes my brain away…or it makes me not be objective. I’ve been doing this job for a long time. And I’ve been objective and I think I’ve been fair.”
Uh…come again? Don intends to remain objective in his reporting? This, while gay kids are killing themselves? This is not time for neutrality. Here I was hoping that he would be CNN’s in-house crusader for the mainstreaming of homosexuality.
Don’t get me wrong. In most cases, I’m all for journalistic objectivity. For example, when the US military is engaged in a pitched battle with Islamic barbarians, I think it’s vital that the media not take sides. It’s not a reporter’s job to be a cheerleader for US military victories. In the war between Americans and eleventh century Islamic hordes, it’s best not to take sides. But when it comes to gays, journalists are OBLIGATED to take sides.
So, let’s recap. American soldiers engaged in a shooting war with the people who murdered 3,000 people on 9/11, journalists should not take sides. Gays are engaged in a culture war with homophobes, journalists should come out strongly for our side.  Got it?
How relieved I was to read in the (ultra-gay) Washington Blade that Don had changed his mind and decided to ditch that neutrality stuff.
“I work for a very credible and influential news organization. And there, frankly, aren’t many people like me ‘out’ in general, and when you break it down into subcategories like African American or whatever, then there really aren’t any people. So do I think I can change minds? Absolutely, and that’s why I’m doing it. I hope to change minds.
So brave of him!  I’m glad he spilled the beans about “changing minds” through a gay publication. First, he tells the whole world on Joy Behar’s show that he plans to be just as neutral as ever, but then he uses the Washington Blade to tell his LGBTQXYZ viewers something very different. Wink, wink. Nod, nod. It’s almost as  if he knows that his credible and influential news organization wouldn’t be so credible or influential if people caught on to the extent of its bias.

CNN's Don Lemon. I'm so glad he's gay because he's such a dashing gentleman. Is it true what they say about black guys and their...? Anyway, he had me worried back when he first came out of the closet, talking about all of this journalistic objectivity bullshit. Nice to know he's ditched that.

Before the Blade interview, I was concerned that he was going to be remiss in his gay duties. It’s the obligation of all homos to propagandize from whatever pulpit they have, gay reporters especially. There may still be a few people living in the far reaches of backwoods America who aren’t yet bombarded by homosexual propaganda. And it’s Don’s job to make sure that those old bigots get an attitude adjustment. It’s not a reporter’s job to deliver the who, what, when, where, and how. Not a GAY reporter’s job, anyway. It’s his job to be as in-your-face as possible, to slant the news in our favor, to make homosexuals look virtuous and kind, and to harass anyone who might have moral objections to homosexuality.
Luckily, Don got right to work after his coming out. In an interview with known homophobe Rick Santorum, Lemon pounced. Here’s some of that unbiased reporting:
“[S]ome people have been saying that [Santorum] is homophobic because he wants to change the Constitution in support of what he calls ‘traditional marriage.”
Boo-yah! Did you see how he hid his own personal opinions by attributing them to other people? “Some people” are saying that Santorum is a homophobe. Not Don Lemon, just “some people”. That was slick, Don. I like how you did that. He even used the intonation of his voice to mock and deride the term ‘traditional marriage’. Very snarky. And of course, Don Lemon portrays marriage between a man and woman not as traditional marriage per se, but simply Rick Santorum’s own conception of what marriage has traditionally been. And we all know how wacky Santorum is.

Rick Santorum, Pennsylvania's most high profile bigot. Nice shotgun in the picture, dickwad. Anyway, I really like what someone did to this billboard. Everyone knows that people who have moral objectives to homosexuality are all just repressed homosexuals themselves. Hundred percent of them. Well, if Rick really is a pickle smoocher (and I suspect he is), then I'd suggest that he do what a lot of homosexuals do and blow his damned brains out with that gun. Now there's one gay person I wouldn't mind seeing commit suicide. I would, however, suggest the vandal in question learn how to spell basic words like "needs". It's only five letters. But other than that, great job!

Don Lemon then asked if Rick Santorum has any gays friends. Because it’s mandatory that everyone have gay friends. Who DOESN’T pal around with sodomites? I mean, seriously…I would have to be a little suspicious of anyone who didn’t have a single homosexual within his close circle of compatriots. I know that when I look for friends, I seek out people men who guzzle cum and women who munch carpet. It’s a very important to me.

Don summarized Santorum’s statements as follows:
“And he went on to say, you know, at least he talks about it with his [gay] friends. They respect his opinion. But he doesn’t feel that they should have the same rights, he said. And he said he wants to preserve what he calls, he says, he said special rights for traditional marriage. Those were his words.”
Yep. Those were his words. Santorum said that. He said, “Gay people shouldn’t have the same rights,” and also “There should be special rights for traditional marriage”. Okay, so Rick Santorum didn’t say that. But I forgive Don Lemon for putting those words in his mouth. That’s what a gay reporter is supposed to do. What the hell would be the point of having a gay reporter on staff if he missed this golden opportunity to make Santorum look like an ass?
Anyway, welcome out, Don! I’m so glad you’ve decided to quit living a lie. Now that you’re out, you can be even more biased than you were back in the dark days of living in the closet. We need you now more than ever. Please continue to put advocacy of your own personal lifestyle above journalistic objectivity. It’s not your job to report the news, it’s your job to make people like us!
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Comments on: "CNN’s new gay evangelist off to a great start. No pretense of objectivity with H8er Santorum" (15)

  1. Johnathan said:

    Fuck niggershit bitch assfaggotrape hell damn fuck jigger go die in a hole

  2. Johnathan said:

    Fuck niggershit bitch assfaggotrape hell damn fuck jigger go die in a hole

    Never mind

    • Uh….I agree. I think. Very well thought out point.

      But please, let’s not use such hateful racial slurs. Unless we are talking about churchy blacks who voted for Prop H8 in California. And then it’s okay.

  3. Johnathan said:

    Srry nvrmind

  4. Michael Fitzpatrick said:

    Patrick: Don’t place dumb with me about black guys’ dicks. As if you don’t know. Don’t forget last summer in Key West, you silly goose.

    But you’re right. Mr. Tough Guy Rick Santorum would look better with that shotgun in his mouth rather than over his shoulder. You know he took that picture to impress Pennsylvania’s large gun-toting redneck voting bloc. They cling to God and guns in that section of the country. And they hate cocksmugglers like us.

  5. The Torch said:

    Lovin’ it!

  6. Mr. Enemabag jones said:

    Nothing lovelier than anti-gay douchebags trying to be cute with satire. Heads up sunshine–conservatives aren’t funny.

    As far as the content of your posts; about as witty, clever and original as a Bazooka Joe comic.

    I’m sure someone will figure out who you are and expose you.

    • Who you calling an anti-gay douchebag? I’m gayer than cum on a moustache. I think my husband can vouche for my gayness. Isn’t that right, Michael?

      • Mr. Enemabag Jones said:

        You may be bus station bathroom gay, but you’re not really gay. I’m sure you wake up with wet bedsheets after your Shaquille O’Neal wet dream, resenting the homoerotic tones of your dreams. Then running to your computer to lambaste an entire group of people–and then masturbating to a Fratpad vid.

        In all seriousness, I don’t know what gay people have done to you, for you to resent us so much. Maybe you’re resentful that we want the same things that heterosexuals take for granted daily. Maybe you hate that you can’t bash us with impunity. Maybe you’re just a pathetic slob, who rather than face the fact that you’ve accomplished nothing with your life, would rather spend his days trashing a segment of the population that you feel has more, and has accomplished more than you ever will.

        Well, I’m happy to inform you that contrary to the white bread, upper middle class representations that TV and films present of us, we are no diffferent than you. We work, usually at shitty jobs, make enough to get by, take care of our families, love our partners, and worry about our old age. And when things are going ok, we go out and have fun, march in an annual parade, and hopefully get laid more than once a year.

        And that is why you hate, and vilify us on your blog. To demean, and dehumanize us, will make it emotionally easier to marginalize us. As long as you convince yourself that we are nothing like you, that we are inferior, that we are not capable of love, you won’t feel bad taking away our equality with a popular vote. Equality is never popular, that’s why it takes Americans with will, and courage to support equality.

        I appreciate that this blog is your own little pity party, but I don’t know how you get out of bed every morning considering how downtrodden you poor anti-gay people are. I mean all you have is the entire Republican party, half the Democratic party, the majority of religions, (including the Christian churches–and Muslim mosques,) tax codes, state governments, and Fox news. With so little help, how do you manage to pull yourself away from your meager basement bean bag chair, and tap out a few keystrokes to harass the all powerful gays?

  7. Michael Fitzpatrick said:

    That’s right. He’s gayer than a sweet-smelling jock strap. I should know. He’s my lawfully wedded husband.

    By the way, Mr. Jones. You could marry your brother too if you came to this state. Just a thought.

    • Mr. Enemabag Jones said:

      I still don’t understand the correlation between brothers marrying, and gay marriage. What is your point?

      I appreciate that it pisses you off to no end that your state government had the mendacity to permit gay people to pursue the same marriage equality that anti-gay bigots enjoy, but really, your world has not ended, and I seriously doubt your life is any worse for gay marriage.

  8. As the author of the (ultra gay) Washington Blade interview with Don, thanks for the reference! Here’s the original post: http://www.washingtonblade.com/2011/05/26/don-lemonproud-to-be-out/.

    -Phil Reese

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